A Matter Of Chance
by Real Gals Hav Curves
Summary: If things were different how would it have been. A complete change to the whole world of DeRo. Relationships are quite different. Expect some crossovers couldn't resist it. All Consenting adults only
1. Chapter 1 - MEETING

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Chapter 1 - MEETING**

Diary entry

6th February 06

Oh God I can't believe it. Today I saw him in the flesh. I can't believe it. He was there right outside. And I was just coming out the locker room after changing and we almost banged into each other. I almost shrieked like a silly girl. My hero my personal Demi-God Roman Wild was standing in front of me. The Ice Skating Bronze Medalist Roman Wild trains out at the same place I do. But that's obvious where else will he train his father owns the sports centre. Roman is not just a gifted athlete but the heir to the Wild Sporting Goods, and future owner of The Wild Training and Wellness Center.

He's just perfect

Good Looking – check

Sporty – double check

Rich – check

And if that's not enough

During off seasons he's been attending Univ and has a double degree in Business Management and Chartered Accountancy.

He has Body, Brain and Cash (not to mention he's gay as well)

Oh God If Only He Was Mine!

Diary entry

17th February 06

Today he spoke to me ok not really spoke to me but asked me if I had a bottle of water as he doesn't drink tap water. I'm never washing my bottle again. I've already put it in a vacuum seal packet and kept it safely right at the back of my cupboard. Dad asked me where my bottle was I said it had a leak so I threw it away. He gave me cash to buy a new one.

Diary entry

20th February 06

I asked him for his autograph today when none of my team mates were around. God knows how they found out. Lord they are so stupid they made fun of me saying things like 'Roman and Deniz sitting in a tre G' How juvenile can they be we are the senior school hockey team not primary school kids. Okay so I'm gay does that give them a right to make fun of me and what if Mr. Sebastian hears them making fun of his son we'll all be thrown out and I told them exactly that. They first blinked at me like owls and then understood the gravity of the situation and shut up FINALLY!


	2. Chapter 2 - TALKING

**Chapter 2 – TALKING**

"Hey! You're Deniz right."

Deniz's jaw hit the floor

"How… How did you know my name?"

"I heard the school Ice Hockey team chanting 'Roman n Deniz sitting in a tre G.' after you took my autograph well I'm Roman so you must be Deniz."

"Yes I'm Deniz I'm so sorry it's just that I'm gay and a big fan of yours so the guys make fun of me. It was me they were teasing they didn't mean any disrespect to you. Please don't report us. I'm really sorry it won't happen again. I promise…"

"Hey! Hey! Kid calm down."

Deniz just blinked at him and shuffled his feet.

"I know how tough it is being gay and being constantly teased by your classmates. So don't worry I won't say anything to anyone"

"Thank you." Deniz whispered

"So …I could use some company how about accompanying me to cafeteria and getting something."

"Wow! Really …I mean sure I'd love to."

Diary entry

21st February 06

Roman spoke to me today really spoke to me. He said he needed a friend and would I please be his friend. Okay so didn't say that he just wanted someone to keep him company frankly I don't care I'd be anything I'd be his valet if he asked. Oh Thank You God Thank you Thank you Thank you. We went to the cafeteria and chatted for almost two hours. He's really nice not at all like those snobbish self absorbed athletes I usually see around at the center. Guess he has more right to be arrogant he's the boss's son. So I was pleasantly surprised to find that he is really down to earth. He asked me about school and my future really listened even gave me some advice. In turn he told me stories of his school days and college days and what it's like on the road when he has to go from event to event. It was the best two hours of my life.

Diary entry

28th February 06

We meet everyday after practice for juice and sandwiches. Roman calls me Menace after Dennis the Menace. Says it suits me as I am a menace to opposing team's goalie. I feel ten feet tall. I feel I could burst with happiness. I think I have a tiny crush on him.  
Oh get real Deniz! Confess. Confession is good for the soul.  
Okay! I confess I have a huge gargantuan crush on Roman wild.

As if that's so unbelievable. The guy's a God.


	3. Chapter 3 - HAPPY

**CHAPTER 3 - Happy**

"Dad? Where are you?"

"In the kitchen kiddo"

"Dad Roman wants to take me out for dinner on my birthday. And then he wants to take me clubbing."

"I don't think so Deniz it's a school night."

"Please Dad. It's just this once. It's my birthday. My 18th birthday."

"Out of the question."

"Come on. How many times am I gonna turn 18. Pleeeeeeeeeease" Hugging his dad from behind he put his chin on his dad's shoulder and started whimpering pathetically into his ear.

Marian tried to ignore the incessant whimpering and continued chopping the vegetable. But his resistance didn't hold up for long against that whimpering going on in ear which was only getting louder with each passing second.

"Okay! Okay! Fine you can go. Just stop that whimpering."

"Thanks you're the BESTEST papa on the planet." Deniz said squeezing him with all his might.

"Ow Deniz let go." Deniz let go and gave him a winning grin. Marian grabbed him by the sleeve before he could run off. Deniz looked at him questioningly.

"But one condition."

"Anything."

"Home by 12. Got it."

"Got it." Kissing his Dad he ran off to call Roman.

Stella who had been watching this scene came up to her brother and said dreamily

"Oh! To be young and in love."

"They are only friends."

"Right and the sky is green. Oh I don't know about this Roman character. But Deniz has got it bad"

"Come on Stella he's just a kid. He's too young."

"Like you were when you met Rebecca. How old were you? 16 I think."

"That was different."

"Oh because you're straight and he's gay."

"No because...he's my baby boy." Marian whispered the last part.

"Hate to tell you this big brother but your baby isn't a baby anymore and he definitely is in love."

Marian looked out the kitchen door at Deniz sitting at the dining table talking excitedly into the phone his face aglow. Letting out a sigh he looked back at Stella and sadly nodded his head saying

"When you're right you're right. But sadly it's most probably one sided. Roman is too old to be interested. Deniz is setting himself up for heartbreak" Marian sighed again.

Pointing in the general direction of the dining room he said softly

"Happy Deniz I can handle. But how will I handle him when his affections are rejected."

Stella hugged her brother and said gently

"If and I'm hoping it won't happen, but if Deniz is hurt we will handle it together."


	4. Chapter 4 - OH ME! OH MY!

**CHAPTER 4 - OH ME! OH MY!**

Roman came by after Deniz's Birthday party had wound down and his friends had left. Roman looked delicious in black pleated Prada slacks with a deep purple pullover.

"Happy Birthday Menace. So you're 18 now"

"Yup."

"Come on lets go."

"Dad! Roman is here I'm going." Deniz yelled in the direction of the Restaurant kitchen.

"Bye kiddo. Have fun." Marian yelled back.

"Aren't you going to introduce me?"

"Not today otherwise we'll be stuck here forever."

Deniz turned to open the door to let them out completely missing the hurt in Roman's eyes.

Deniz followed Roman to his Jag.

He sank into the buttery soft leather seat with a sigh. Reaching for the seatbelt suddenly Deniz realized that he had no idea where they were going. As he snapped in the buckle seatbelt he looked down at the baby blue button down shirt, brown leather jacket and stone wash blue jeans he had on and wondered if he was appropriately dressed for the place Roman was taking him. He looked at Roman hoping to ask what their destination was and if he had time to change but the car was already in motion before Deniz could utter a single syllable.

"So you haven't answered me yet will you seriously be my boyfriend"

Diary entry

19th 20th March 06 

Oh My! where do I begin. These last three weeks have been wonderful beyond my wildest dreams and the best was today... actually... technically yesterday was my birthday as now it's 1 in the morning. My party was ridiculously stupid and so childish. But I had to bear it; after all I couldn't let dad's work go to waste, my school mates definitely enjoyed and for once didn't pick on me or tease me so that was a good thing. But the best part was the dinner I had with Roman he took me to this new night club restaurant called No Limits WOW What A Place! I almost swallowed my tongue when I saw their prices but Roman told me to order anything that caught my fancy irrespective of what it cost.

But frankly I don't remember what we ate we were so busy talking. We have so much to talk about we could go on talking forever. Our conversations flow so easily I have never been so comfortable with anyone like this ever. I want to tell him everything and I want to know everything he knows.

He is just so wonderful.

But the best part was after dinner we went to the No Limits basement club. They didn't even ask for my id guess being Roman Wild's companion includes you in the VIP treatment. We even met the owner of No Limits Gregor Mann. After greeting Roman with a friendly hug Gregor turned towards me and said "And who do we have here" and guess what Roman said. I still can't believe it he said

"Gregor Mann, my boyfriend Deniz Ozturk."

"Deniz owner of this fantabulous establishment Gregor Mann."

I just dumbly shook the hand Gregor offered and grinned at him like a total fool. I was sure my ears were ringing.


	5. Chapter 5 - A NEW TURN

**CHAPTER 5 - A NEW TURN**

"Come on lets dance." Roman grabbed hold of Deniz's hand and dragged him to the dance floor.

Deniz just dumbly followed him his mind still reeling from the introduction Roman had given to Gregor.

Was he really ... did Roman really think of him as ... Wow!

Deniz's moves were awkward at first but slowly his body tuned itself to the music and his moves became more self assured and carefree. Roman gave a smile as Deniz closed his eyes and lost himself to the music. Roman decided it time to give Deniz something to think about so he put his arms over Deniz's shoulder and linked his fingers behind his neck. The sudden touch broke Deniz's joyful reverie and his eyes flew open. He looked curiously at Roman; who now that he had his companion's full attention raised himself on his toes softly kissed Deniz on the lip and did a slow shimmy down and then back up the younger man's lithe body. He turned his back to Deniz and placed Deniz's arms around his waist and placed his arms over Deniz's. The music at that moment changed to a slower number so they just swayed gently to it and Roman leaned back and placed his head on Deniz's shoulder. They kept swaying gently till the song ended.

"First that introduction and now this." the hockey player thought. Deniz's young mind was in a muddle and he was sure his brain was going to blow a fuse. He was feeling very hot suddenly.

"Roman." He softly spoke into Roman's ear "Can we get something to drink."

Roman smiled inwardly before turning around "Sure."

"What would you like to have?" Roman asked when they reached the bar.

"I have no idea." The brunette answered feeling very young and foolish. "Nothing with alcohol I guess."

Turning to the bartender Roman said

"A gin and tonic for me and a virgin Pina-colada for my boyfriend."

Deniz couldn't believe it, he had said it again as if to establishing claim on him. He also noticed that after Roman's announcement another bar patron who had been leering at him turned away his gaze once he saw who had laid claim to the boy. They leisurely sipped their drinks watching the couples, hetero as well as gay, on the dance floor.

Roman casually looked at his watch, turning to the brunette said

"Better get you home Cinderella before you turn into a pumpkin."

Deniz couldn't believe it was almost 12 already. He followed the blond to the Coat check and took his jacket. As he was putting it on his gaze fell on his watch and he saw that it was hardly 11.

"Why are we leaving now I can be a little late getting home my dad isn't a nitpicker."

Roman looked at him for a few silent seconds his azure eyes thoughtful then he finally said

"We have to talk."

Turning on his heels he led the way out of No Limits. He didn't say anything as they waited for the valet to bring the Jag. The silence continued as Roman maneuvered through the early night traffic. Deniz was getting very nervous with each passing minute. They came to halt in the parking lot of Wild center jogger's park.

"Roman why are we here?" Deniz asked unable to contain his curiosity.

"Because we need privacy."

Deniz quietly followed Roman to a bench. They sat quietly listening to the night sounds

"I guess I should have asked before I said anything."

"Asked what?" Deniz questioned puzzled.

"If you considered me your boyfriend."

Deniz just gaped at him for a few startled moments.

"I never thought you could ever think of me as your ... Wow! You really want me as your boyfriend? I never even considered it in my wildest dreams."

"Am I so bad?" Roman smirked cocking an eyebrow.

"No! Of course not. You're wonderful."

"Then why."

"Because you're Roman Wild Bronze Medalist and I'm Deniz Ozturk high school student."

"Besides that. Any other reason."

"I can't date until I'm 18 Dad's rules." He said dejectedly

"Well babe then I guess we're in luck."

"Huh!" he looked at Roman completely baffled by the statement

"Last I checked hun you turned 18 today didn't ya."

"Oh!" was all he could get out before he started giggling uncontrollably at his own foolishness.

Then said sheepishly "I did turn 18 today didn't I? And you're my boyfriend?"

Roman placed his hand at the back of Deniz's neck and pulled him in for a long sweet kiss.

After they parted they just sat with their foreheads leaning. Roman slowly moved his hand and gently caressed Deniz's cheek . When finally Deniz regained his ability to speak he asked in a voice hardly louder than a whisper

"So you haven't answered me yet will you seriously be my boyfriend?"

Roman smiled moving away he gently cupped the boy's chin and tilted his face up so he was looking into the shy hazel eyes. Seeing the apprehension on the sweet face said "Yes. I'm your boyfriend." Seeing the look of utter joy on the brunette's face he placed another gentle kiss on the plump pink lips.

As Roman drove him back home Deniz kept smiling and openly stared at Roman devouring him with his eyes.

Roman walked him right up to his front door. Kissing him once more he headed back to the Jag and drove into the night.

Deniz floated in through the front door and saw his father sitting in the den pretending to read.

"So you're back. And on time." Deniz just smiled "If anything Roman is definitely punctual he brought you back on the dot of 12." Deniz just sighed and kept smiling at his father. Seeing the euphoric state his son was in Marian gently probed.

"So schatz I guess you had good time."

"I had a GREAT time." Deniz said dreamily before floating off in the direction of his bedroom.

Diary entry

19th 20th March 06 (contd.)

He introduced me as his boyfriend. I still can't believe it. ROMAN WILD is my BOYFRIEND. And he kissed me. He KISSED MEEEEE! He has the softest lips. I felt butterflies fluttering in my stomach. I feel like I'm on Cloud no 9. He walked me right up to the front door and kissed me again. I haven't told dad that I got a boyfriend the very day I turned 18. God knows how he'll react.

"Come on lets dance." Roman grabbed hold of Deniz's hand and dragged him to the dance floor.

Deniz just dumbly followed him his mind still reeling from the introduction Roman had given to Gregor.

Was he really ... did Roman really think of him as ... Wow!

Deniz's moves were awkward at first but slowly his body tuned itself to the music and his moves became more self assured and carefree. Roman gave a smile as Deniz closed his eyes and lost himself to the music. Roman decided it time to give Deniz something to think about so he put his arms over Deniz's shoulder and linked his fingers behind his neck. The sudden touch broke Deniz's joyful reverie and his eyes flew open. He looked curiously at Roman; who now that he had his companion's full attention raised himself on his toes softly kissed Deniz on the lip and did a slow shimmy down and then back up the younger man's lithe body. He turned his back to Deniz and placed Deniz's arms around his waist and placed his arms over Deniz's. The music at that moment changed to a slower number so they just swayed gently to it and Roman leaned back and placed his head on Deniz's shoulder. They kept swaying gently till the song ended.

"First that introduction and now this." the hockey player thought. Deniz's young mind was in a muddle and he was sure his brain was going to blow a fuse. He was feeling very hot suddenly.

"Roman." He softly spoke into Roman's ear "Can we get something to drink."

Roman smiled inwardly before turning around "Sure."

"What would you like to have?" Roman asked when they reached the bar.

"I have no idea." The brunette answered feeling very young and foolish. "Nothing with alcohol I guess."

Turning to the bartender Roman said

"A gin and tonic for me and a virgin Pina-colada for my boyfriend."

Deniz couldn't believe it, he had said it again as if to establishing claim on him. He also noticed that after Roman's announcement another bar patron who had been leering at him turned away his gaze once he saw who had laid claim to the boy. They leisurely sipped their drinks watching the couples, hetero as well as gay, on the dance floor.

Roman casually looked at his watch, turning to the brunette said

"Better get you home Cinderella before you turn into a pumpkin."

Deniz couldn't believe it was almost 12 already. He followed the blond to the Coat check and took his jacket. As he was putting it on his gaze fell on his watch and he saw that it was hardly 11.

"Why are we leaving now I can be a little late getting home my dad isn't a nitpicker."

Roman looked at him for a few silent seconds his azure eyes thoughtful then he finally said

"We have to talk."

Turning on his heels he led the way out of No Limits. He didn't say anything as they waited for the valet to bring the Jag. The silence continued as Roman maneuvered through the early night traffic. Deniz was getting very nervous with each passing minute. They came to halt in the parking lot of Wild center jogger's park.

"Roman why are we here?" Deniz asked unable to contain his curiosity.

"Because we need privacy."

Deniz quietly followed Roman to a bench. They sat quietly listening to the night sounds

"I guess I should have asked before I said anything."

"Asked what?" Deniz questioned puzzled.

"If you considered me your boyfriend."

Deniz just gaped at him for a few startled moments.

"I never thought you could ever think of me as your ... Wow! You really want me as your boyfriend? I never even considered it in my wildest dreams."

"Am I so bad?" Roman smirked cocking an eyebrow.

"No! Of course not. You're wonderful."

"Then why."

"Because you're Roman Wild Bronze Medalist and I'm Deniz Ozturk high school student."

"Besides that. Any other reason."

"I can't date until I'm 18 Dad's rules." He said dejectedly

"Well babe then I guess we're in luck."

"Huh!" he looked at Roman completely baffled by the statement

"Last I checked hun you turned 18 today didn't ya."

"Oh!" was all he could get out before he started giggling uncontrollably at his own foolishness.

Then said sheepishly "I did turn 18 today didn't I? And you're my boyfriend?"

Roman placed his hand at the back of Deniz's neck and pulled him in for a long sweet kiss.

After they parted they just sat with their foreheads leaning. Roman slowly moved his hand and gently caressed Deniz's cheek . When finally Deniz regained his ability to speak he asked in a voice hardly louder than a whisper

"So you haven't answered me yet will you seriously be my boyfriend?"

Roman smiled moving away he gently cupped the boy's chin and tilted his face up so he was looking into the shy hazel eyes. Seeing the apprehension on the sweet face said "Yes. I'm your boyfriend." Seeing the look of utter joy on the brunette's face he placed another gentle kiss on the plump pink lips.

As Roman drove him back home Deniz kept smiling and openly stared at Roman devouring him with his eyes.

Roman walked him right up to his front door. Kissing him once more he headed back to the Jag and drove into the night.

Deniz floated in through the front door and saw his father sitting in the den pretending to read.

"So you're back. And on time." Deniz just smiled "If anything Roman is definitely punctual he brought you back on the dot of 12." Deniz just sighed and kept smiling at his father. Seeing the euphoric state his son was in Marian gently probed.

"So schatz I guess you had good time."

"I had a GREAT time." Deniz said dreamily before floating off in the direction of his bedroom.

Diary entry

19th 20th March 06 (contd.)

He introduced me as his boyfriend. I still can't believe it. ROMAN WILD is my BOYFRIEND. And he kissed me. He KISSED MEEEEE! He has the softest lips. I felt butterflies fluttering in my stomach. I feel like I'm on Cloud no 9. He walked me right up to the front door and kissed me again. I haven't told dad that I got a boyfriend the very day I turned 18. God knows how he'll react.


	6. Chapter 6 - GOOD CHANGES

**CHAPTER 6 - GOOD CHANGES**

Diary entry

20th March 2006 

I HATE my Dad!

Okay I don't 'hate' hate him but why does he have to be so damn over protective. I told him Roman was my boyfriend and he went ballistic. Ugh! I'm no longer a child I told him and he said Roman was too old for me. Well I don't care he's nice I like him he likes me what difference does it make how old he is. Anyway I have an Algebra test tomorrow so I better hit the books now.

Diary entry

21st March 2006 

I have a boyfriend. Not only that but my Boyfriend is the Roman Wild! Nina is just so jealous.

Diary entry

23rd March 2006 

4:00pm

Today I have my first official date with Roman. I have no idea what to wear. Nina is being completely unhelpful and is pouting as she had been sure between us she'd be the first to snag a boyfriend. Competing with my cousin is ridiculous but I can't help gloat Hehe. I think I'll ask Aunt Stella what I should wear she may be of some help. Not having a Mom is just so rotten.

Diary entry

23rd March 2006

1:00am

Roman and I went for The Da Vinci Code. What A Movie! Ok so Tom Hanks is bloody old but Paul Bettany is Hottt even though he looks scary all chalk white. Roman is so easily scared he almost jumped into my lap a couple of times Hehehe! Scaredy Cat. But shhh he shouldn't know.

AND finally Roman met DAD!

Dad was impressed alright. (I guess he expected some swishy queen wish he would give my taste in men a little more credit)

Oh Roman is just fabulous. Dinner was perfect Dad's contribution. Conversation at the table was entertaining Roman's contribution.

He was like the Pied Piper he won over my Dad, my aunt and her husband Uncle Lars within minutes of meeting. After pouting for sometime Nina couldn't resist his charm so we have called a truce. Even Dad's prissy girlfriend Jenny was impressed as well which is a change for once. Okay I know she's impressed by Roman coz he's a walking Euro sign to her. So she wanted to get all chummy with him because of that and if he hadn't been gay she would have definitely been all over him.

All in all it was the perfect end to a wonderful date. Dad couldn't find a single fault so had nothing cutting to say about Roman except "He is a 'bit mature' for you. Isn't he?" Pffft... the pot calling the kettle black. Jenny is a good 15 yrs younger than dad and he's telling me.


	7. Chapter 7 - I DON'T LIKE IT!

**CHAPTER 7 - I DON'T LIKE IT! THAT'S IT!**

"Oh look there's the Queen." a guy snickered.

"Hey! The Queen now has a Princess for company." another sneered and let out a wolf whistle.

Roman grabbed Deniz before he could turn and retaliate

"Let it go Deniz. They're not worth it. Concentrate on me."

"How can you put up with that." Deniz huffed

"Selective hearing."

"Huh!"

"Listen to praise and positive criticism. Shit like that should go in one ear and out the other."

"That's the nuttiest thing I've ever heard."

"It's helped _me_ for so far. Anyway when are your term ends."

"From 21st May."

"So instead of thinking of those jerks Mister", jabbing him in the chest Roman continued, "it's time you hit your books."

"Oh God! Not you too!"

Diary entry

28th March 2006 

I hate those Grandetski Centre members they are just so narrow minded and homophobic. Especially those league players they always hang outside that bar Cactus and whenever Roman and I pass by make snide remarks about Roman.

They really get on my nerves with their obnoxious remarks making me want to smash their ugly mugs. But Roman holds me back and says they aren't worth it so I should save energy for hockey; and, focus on us, my game and my studies as finals are almost here. Sometimes he can really sound like my father.


	8. Chapter 8 - EVERYBODY IS FINE

**CHAPTER 8 - ****EVERYBODY IS FINE**

Diary entry

20th April 2006 

Roman has decided that we should cut back on dating as my exams are almost here. For the past week he's been at my place every evening tutoring me in Math. He's really a genius he has made Algebra and Geometry enjoyable instead of tedious and boring. How could I not love him?

Did I just say I love him?

Wellll... I guess I do love him.

Oh God! I feel giddy.

I love Roman!

I am in Love with Roman Wild!

I AM IN LOVE WITH ROMAN WILD!

OH GOD! I'M IN LOVE WITH ROMAN WILD!

HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?

I barely know him.

OH BOY!

Dad is all praise for Roman.

The age difference is suddenly a pro instead of a con.

I quote my Dad

"Deniz an older man like Roman was a very wise choice Son. He is very good for you. He knows exactly what you need to get ahead which is a sound education."

Is this the same Dad who told me a little over a month ago "He's _too old_ for you! Just wait and watch what happens. He'll completely distract you from your studies. Dragging you off to clubs and parties even during your exams."

Diary entry

5th May 2006

All I do nowadays is sit with my head buried in my books. Roman is right there beside me constantly keeping a close eye on my studies as he prepares his post graduate dissertation and helping me whenever I have a difficulty. The guy's a genius. He knows everything be it English, Bio, Chem, Physics, Math, even History and Geography. He's a walking encyclopedia. Who knew? So now we are more of study partners than boyfriends which kinda no not kinda...it TOTALLY SUCKS but it's only for another month or so till my exams get over.


	9. Chapter 9 - BUSY! BUSY! BUSY!

**CHAPTER 9 - BUSY! BUSY! BUSY!**

Diary entry

20th May 2006 

Tomorrow my year end exams begin and for first time in my life I'm not nervous. Roman has drilled everything so completely in my brain that nothing is gonna escape my thick noggin ever again.

Diary entry

21st May 2006 

English paper went off smoothly.

Diary entry

23rd May 2006

Aced Bio!

Diary entry

27th May 2006

Math paper went well

Got a little confused in the 10 mark trigonometry question hope I got it correct.

Diary entry

29th May 2006

Geography paper was child's play.

Diary entry

31st May 2006

Chem paper went decently. Got a little confused balancing the formulas. Roman is not gonna be happy coz I messed up 2 of the 5 problems I answered. He'd made me practice the exact same ones I messed up. God I'm stupid.

Diary entry

3rd June 2006

History went A+++.

Diary entry

5th June 2006

German was a breeze of course

Diary entry

8th June 2006

Physics paper was a little lengthy but Roman's advice of attempting the long questions at the get go helped me. I finished the paper just as the end bell rang out. So unlike half my classmates who moaned for 5 extra minutes I handed over my answer sheet and literally ran out.


	10. Chapter 10 - TRUTH

**CHAPTER 10 - TRUTH**

Diary entry

8th June 2006

Finally I'm free. Summer holidays are here. For the next 60 days I haven't a care in the world.

Diary entry

9th June 2006

Damn I'm exhausted. I spent the whole day with Roman. Who knew shopping for clothes took the whole day. You know something he has a thing for the colour purple it's like a drug where ever he saw that colour off he went. He bought me a beautiful cashmere scarf (which incidentally is purple as well). I don't know if I should have accepted it. It's worth 2000 EUROES!

Diary entry

9th June2006

Dad is furious. He screamed at me demanding to know how I could be foolish enough to accept such an extremely extravagant gift when I would never be able to gift him anything even half that price. Then he said something completely obvious. "Deniz what if he thinks that you're a gold digger?" Stupid, Stupid Me!

Diary entry

10th June 2006

Roman just blasted my Dad and me.

I went to return the scarf to him. I told him I couldn't accept such an expensive gift. My Dad didn't approve. He dragged me to No 7 and told my Dad "What I give my boyfriend is none of your business. And I know your son has integrity so don't undermine my intelligence as I'm a damn good judge of character." Then he stormed out. It's 7 in the evening and he hasn't called. I feel depressed.

Oh my cell is ringing. It's him. He's calling me. Please God he shouldn't break up with me.

He's cooled down and wants to talk. Should I go? Well I did instigate his rage.

Diary entry

10th June 2006

11:00pm

We met at the jogger's park at 'our' bench. He told me he was sorry for over-reacting. He said he was happy that I didn't see him as just a bank account but as a person. He had brought the scarf with him. As he draped it around my neck he said; "You're my boyfriend and I want you to take this as a token of my love for you." And I instead of answering, telling him I loved him too, I burst into tears. How girly was that. But finally I was able to tell him that's exactly how I felt too - between wiping my running nose and hiccupping. That must have been quite an appealing picture for my boyfriend. Damn is there a chance I could get anymore faggotier than this. Crying all over my boyfriend like a sissy girl.

Deniz man up for God's Sake!

He just messaged me

_"Schlafen Sie dicht meine liebe, die ich von Ihnen träumen werde"_

**Chapter End Notes:**

_Schlafen Sie dicht meine liebe, die ich von Ihnen träumen werde _- sleep tight my love I'll be dreaming of you

I used google translator so please forgive me if there are any mistakes.


	11. Chapter 11 - HARDER TRUTH

**CHAPTER 10 - HARDER TRUTHS**

"Wow you have two homes in one city!"

"**_That_** place isn't and never was my home it belongs to my parents, **_this_** is my home. Bought and paid for wholly and solely by me with money I earned personally by my own merit."

Diary entry

13th June 2006

Roman took me to his family home today.

It's a Castle. It even has a name 'The Wild Land'. Roman prefers to refer to it as 'The Manor'. It's massive and looks so damn imposing I was scared to set foot inside. The insides were breath taking and lavishly decorated. I was completely dazzled by the place. I couldn't help but compliment him on his beautiful home. He gave me a sad smile and said something really odd "it's not a home it's a mausoleum". I really didn't know how to respond to that. Something else I noticed as well was there were no pictures of him anywhere it's like he had never been there. I thought better than to comment on it and just plastered on an amiable smile as he showed off 'The Manor'.

I had expected to eat at 'The Manor' as he had told me we would have lunch at 'his place' but it turned out 'his place' is actually an apartment he has all of his own a few blocks from the Wild center.

I couldn't help but comment that he had _two homes_ in the same city. He looked sadly at me and told me that the apartment we were at was his home and 'The Manor' belonged only to his parents.

I have a feeling Roman doesn't have much of a relationship with his father nor did he have an affectionate one with his mother either as he never mentions them. Even if he does it's never as Mom and Dad it's always as 'My Parents' as if they are one entity not two separate individuals.

Diary entry

19th June 2006

Today I came face to face with Sebastian Wild and it was extremely uncomfortable.

Our evening started out quite normally after a work out at the gym we went swimming. Roman likes to compete and always wins I have no idea how he has the energy after his work out. But anyway back to what happened. We were at the cafeteria giggling over something nonsensical over glasses of mixed fruit juice when suddenly Roman who had been looking around got very serious; sat up straight and stiff in his chair his eyes fixed on something beyond my left shoulder.

Curiosity made me turn and look at what had caught his attention and I saw the hefty figure of Sebastian Wild approaching us.

Mr. Wild stopped a couple of feet from our table. He looked me up and down in such a way that it made me squirm in my seat.

Turning his gaze to Roman he gave him this sarcastic smirk and eyeing me said

'So this is the twink of the week.'

Then instantly changing gears he commanded

'Come to the office I want to discuss some business.'

Order given he turned around and walked off. Roman looked at me with a pained expression whispered; 'I'll be right back' and followed his father

What the hell had just happened!

No 'hello son how are you' just 'I want to discuss some business' like Roman was an employee.

Their relation is definitely nothing like the one I have with Dad. And he called me Roman's 'twink of the week' what was all that about. We've been dating for months now.

When Roman came back he looked just miserable and was in a black mood. He decided against going for the movie we had decided on. He said he felt tired and wanted to hit the sack early but I think it had something to do with the encounter with his father so I didn't push.

For the first time in my life I have realized what a great father I have. Till I encountered Mr. Sebastian I had never realized that there were parents who could make their child miserable by just talking to them for a few minutes.


	12. Chapter 12 - A DECISION

**CHAPTER 12 - A DECISION**

Diary entry

23rd June 2006

I'm just so damn horny and frustrated. I want to go all the way. Many days we end up on his couch. But after a very hot and heavy make out he backs off and I just don't know how to entice him. Damn fucking hell why the fuck am I so green. Shit.

I'm taking an oath right now, the next time we're on that couch I am going to make sure we end in that king size bed of his. Whatever it takes. I'll strip and throw myself at him if that's what'll take to convince him.

Diary entry

25th June 2006

He just dropped me back home. I couldn't do it. When it came right down to it, I couldn't do it. Worst part is I think he wanted to go all the way but I froze up. He was so embarrassed and now I feel like shit. God I'm such a chicken shit. Guess it'll happen when it is the 'right time' as they say.

I HATE myself!


	13. Chapter 13 - RIGHT TIME

**CHAPTER 13 - RIGHT TIME**

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

The younger man kissed him deeply as an answer.

Roman took out a couple of items from the drawer and placed them on the night stand. Turning around he looks at his boyfriend lying facedown on the bed his eyes tightly shut, face tense.

"Hey, sweetie. Take it easy. It's alright." He crawled over to Deniz, kissing his neck. The nervous boy smiles, enjoying the little tenderness.

This encourages Roman to go on. Deniz's shoulders get peppered with little kisses and Roman's fingertips caress Deniz's strong back. His mouth travels down following Deniz's spine and he can hear how Deniz's breathing changes.

He gently nudges Deniz to turn over and then proceeds by kissing Deniz's smooth belly. From the corner of his eyes he sees a movement. Deniz lifts his hand as if he wants to touch Roman, but then changes his mind and his hand just hovers between the bed and Roman, unsure whether to go back to the bed or towards Roman.  
Roman places gentle kisses along his collar bone and caresses Deniz's chest.

The older man slowly licks around one nipple, then does the same to the other and gently nips it. Deniz breath hitched and he let out a soft moan

The skater licks a trail down the center of Deniz's chest back to his belly and places a kiss on his belly button. Deniz's breathing becomes deep and erratic.

Roman looked up at Deniz and the look in Deniz's eyes is a mixture of arousal and confusion, but above all amazement at Roman's actions.  
"We will take this slow", the older man says, as a command to himself and as a reassurance to his young lover.

"I want you to enjoy this." Roman says and he unbuckles Deniz's jeans, softly caressing the hardness underneath the fabric.

When he undoes the buttons, a small piece of pale skin shows itself and Roman presses his lips to it, making Deniz buck up with a moan. Roman takes the opportunity to pull the jeans down.

Deniz looks on with big eyes as Roman takes down the last piece of clothing so that Deniz is naked underneath him.


	14. Chapter 14 - BLISS

**CHAPTER 14 - BLISS**

Deniz opened his eyes to the soft rays of the early morning sunlight, disoriented for a second, he blinked into the golden slash of light streaming across Roman's room.  
There was a warm, pleasant hum vibrating low in his stomach and he felt like stretching like a barn cat on a lazy autumn afternoon.

'Its Roman's doing', he thought smugly, giving in and burrowing a little further into the warm mattress, stretching his legs out until one brushed against Roman's. Roman, who at that moment was asleep on his front, an arm thrown across Deniz's chest, his nose nuzzling Deniz's shoulder.

Bits and pieces of last night came back to him in slow waves of sense memory, heat creeping up, making him flush. Deniz turned his head on the pillow; gently pressing his lips to Roman's forehead.

He stopped, guiltily, when he felt Roman shift awake, making a sleepy noise against Deniz's skin.

"Hey," he said in a sleepy rumble.

"Hi," the younger man said with a shy smile.

Roman leaned up on his elbow, and brushed his lips against Deniz's, making a pleased sound as he did this.  
"How do you feel?" Roman tenderly enquired.

"Amazing," Deniz mumbled, bringing his hand up to cup Roman's jaw, thumb stroking against the stubbled cheek. "actually I feel fabulous."

Roman hummed. "Yeah, I kind of do too," he agreed, bending over Deniz he kissed him again.

The lay entwined in the early morning sunlight exchanging soft kisses.

Suddenly Deniz's brain tuned back to reality and he slowly started to pull away from Roman.

"What's wrong?" Roman questioned as he watched his lover sit up.

Deniz just stared at him shock written all over his face as he mumbled, "I didn't go back home last night. Dad is going to kill me."

Roman sat up as well and said flatly "If it's any consolation he'll most probably kill me first", then smirked at Deniz's astounded expression.

"Oh Shut up." Deniz said and hit him with a pillow. Roman picked up a pillow as well and retaliated. They indulged in the childish game giggling in glee which soon dissolved into soft sighs of pleasure.


	15. Chapter 15 - FACING THE MUSIC

**CHAPTER 15 - FACING THE MUSIC**

Deniz let himself into his home at a quarter to seven. He carefully peeped into the den; not seeing his father he quickly and soundlessly slunk into his room to dump his gym bag. Composing himself he went into the dining room. His father was sitting buried in the business section of the paper. Deniz served himself and poured a glass of milk. Sitting down he started shoveling the food into himself accompanied by generous gulps of milk.

Marian slowly lowered the paper and took in his son's wet hair and scrubbed appearance.

"You didn't come home last night", he stated emotionlessly.

Deniz quickly swallowed the mouthful of food then softly said "I'm sorry" and went back to eating.

"How are things between you and Roman?" Marian asked as he turned over to the next page.

Deniz blushed and keeping his eyes lowered whispered, "They're fine" and continued chewing.

Marian's eyes fell on the red blotch visible just above his son's collar and he sighed inwardly. Not able to contain himself anymore he finally asked "I hope you're being careful."

Deniz froze for a second, his spoon of scrambled eggs halfway to his mouth. He put the spoon back on the plate blushing furiously.

The dark shade of pink that slowly spread across Deniz's face reminded Marian of his late-wife, who had bequeathed no visible traits to their son other than her porcelain fair complexion and frequent tendency to blush to varying degrees of scarlet.

Not getting an answer Marian soldiered on "I just want you safe that's all. So, are you being careful?"

Scratching at an invisible stain on the table Deniz finally squeaked out "Yes ... we ...used protection."

Putting down the paper Marian looked at his flustered son thoughtfully. Patting him gently on the shoulder he sighed out a relieved "Good" and got up from his chair.

Deniz started fidgeting with the hem of his shirt wondering what was coming next.

Picking up his plate and cup Marian put them in the sink.

Turning around he gently kissed the top of his son's head and patted his shoulder again.

"So I'm off to No.7. Wash the dishes after you're done." he instructed.

Then he casually added "Have fun with Roman" and quickly exited the dining room; leaving a shell-shocked, gaping Deniz staring at his back.

Just as Deniz put away the last of the breakfast dishes his cell beeped.

_"wat hapnd aftr u rechd hom dis mrnin."_

Deniz quickly texted back

_'__ill tel we at 10'_


	16. Chapter 16 - HAPPY MUSIC

Roman was very agitated. Deniz had said he would be there at 10 it was almost 11 and there was still no sign of him.

What had happened?

Had Marian found out they had sex and forbidden Deniz from seeing him?

Had he called the cops on him? But Deniz was 18 so that wouldn't fly.

"Oh God where the hell is he?" Roman asked his empty apartment as he plonked himself on the couch.

The very same couch where last night had begun.

Roman dejectedly lay down and stared at the ceiling. 'Concentrate on your breathing' he told himself and took in a deep breath. He let it out with a whoosh and took in another. He continued this exercise but calmness eluded him.

Finally the door bell chimed.

Roman ran to the door and flung it open. Outside stood a smiling Deniz holding a brown paper bag.

"Where the hell have you been?" Roman barked at him.

"What's wrong with you?" Deniz asked completely baffled by his boyfriend's angry welcome.

He casually strolled into the flat.

"Where were you Deniz? I have been waiting since 10." Roman asked using a gentler tone.

"I went to the bakery to pick up some chocolate croissants. They were still baking so I had to wait until they were done" the younger man said holding the open paper bag under Roman's nose and watched Roman take in the aroma of the freshly baked goodies.

"Want some."

"Don't mind if I do."

The sat down and bit into their croissants.

"So, wat happened this morning? Did your dad guess wat we'd been upto?"

"Oh! Definitely." Deniz said rolling his eyes.

He swallowed his mouthful and continued, "He asked me if we were being safe."

"WHAT! What did you say?"

"I told him yes we used protection."

"Then what happened? Was he mad? Did he go ballistic?" Roman asked wondering wat kind of restrictions and boundaries Marian had set on their relation now that he knew Roman had seduced his son.

"No, instead he told me to wash the breakfast dishes and enjoy the day with _you_."

"Wow!"

"I know. My red blooded Turkish father didn't even raise an eyebrow let alone his voice."

"So we're in the clear."

"I guess we are."

They continued eating in thoughtful silence.

"You know your Dad is the coolest guy I know."

"I so agree with you. Who woulda thought?" Deniz said softly laughing.

Diary entry

1st July 2006

Last night I had sex with Deniz this isn't a biology class.

Last night I lost my virginity to that sounds even worse.

Okay. Last night Roman and I made love.

Hmmmmm

I am supposed to feel different aren't I?

Older, wiser I don't know, more mature maybe cause I feel just the same.

I spent the night at his place because I fell asleep.

I came back home today morning and tried to be casual about it hoping against hope that Dad wouldn't find out. But he did. I kept wondering how he knew; until I remembered the very visible hickey Roman left on my neck.

I expected a damn lot of different scenarios and wide variety of reactions that my dad might have. But nothing prepared me for what actually happened.

I really do have the coolest dad in the world. He took the whole thing in his stride. All he asked about the my night out was, had we used a condom and before leaving even told me to 'have fun' with Roman.

My father a man of many hidden sides as yet unknown to me.


	17. Chapter 17-LIFE AS WE KNOW IT

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

_well now for something totally different._

Deniz walked towards the Jogger's park whistling a jaunty tune. Life was good, his heart sang along with the birds. His relationship with Roman was growing steadily. His team coach had praised him and said he definitely had a chance at going pro. Life as of that moment was just perfect.

His happy reverie was jarringly interrupted when he saw the Grandetski Panther's member Muller leaning against a tree smoking and looking around. Something caught Muller's attention; he suddenly turned and walked off. Then Deniz heard a yell, he could feel it in his bones that something was just not right he took off running in the direction of the piteous sound. The scene that greeted him at the clearing froze his blood Roman was lying on the ground bleeding as their regular tormentor; Grandetski Ice hockey team captain Fleischer along with his two team mates Muller and Koch kicked him and threw insults at him. Deniz ran towards the group and flung himself over Roman's prone body.

"Hey look the Princess has put in an appearance. Two for one deal not bad." Fleischer jeered

They tried to drag Deniz off Roman but he refused to budge.

He yelled for help praying; hoping that even though it was very early in the morning there would be some other jogger who would hear his pleas and call the paramedics or at least the police. The blows and kicks continued relentlessly.

**Chapter End Notes:**

_still working on where this should lead so u may have to wait ..._


	18. Chapter 18-SAVED 1

_Roman was lying on the ground bleeding_

_"Hey look the Princess has put in an appearance. Two for one deal not bad." _

_He yelled for help._

_The blows and kicks continued relentlessly._

Suddenly a husky voice boomed

"What the fuck is going on here?"

Next thing Deniz saw was Fleischer lying sprawled on the ground holding his bleeding nose.

Gentle arms helped Deniz back to his feet and he found himself staring into concerned emerald eyes.

"Are you alright?" green eyes asked.

"I'm fine," Deniz stammered, swallowed his thankful tears and continued hoarsely, "But I think Roman is badly hurt he has passed out he needs help."

Green eyes opened his gym bag. Taking out a towel he handed it to the frightened boy. "Hold it pressed tightly against the wound on his head" he instructed. Once he saw Deniz was capable enough to do the needful he took out his phone to call the police and paramedics.

Deniz crouched and did as instructed. As he tended to his unconscious injured boyfriend Deniz looked towards his saviors. The voice had belonged to Wild Center Ice Hockey Team Captain Axel Grossman who at that moment was holding the struggling forms of Muller and Koch by the scruff of their necks kneeling over them one skater under each knee; and the fist that knocked over Fleischer belonged to a hulking man in a grey hoodie and black track pants. Grey hoodie had his foot on Fleischer's chest pinning him to the ground. Grey hoodie turned and looked at him. Deniz's eyes met startling blue eyes peering at him from under the grey hood.

Grey hoodie said "Don't worry the ambulance will be here soon to take care of him."

Then to the man lying under his shoe he hissed, "And the cops are coming to take care of you and your buddies."

Far off sirens rang indicating that the police and the paramedics were on their way.

The paramedics whisked away Roman. Deniz had to stay back as he had to make a statement to the police about the assault. After he gave his statement the officer took the statement of the other three men. Fleischer and his goons were unceremoniously dumped in the back of the police car kicking and screaming threats which only made the cops add resisting arrest to the list of charges against them. Deniz numbly watched the ambulance and police cars drive off. He would have fainted dead away if grey hoodie hadn't put his arms around him to steady him.

With the help of the Green Eyes he gently sat the boy on the nearest bench and both men crouched in front of him.

"Hey Kid you okay?" grey hoodie asked.

The sky blue eyes and emerald eyes peered at him filled with concern.

Still in a daze Deniz softly asked, "Are you angels?"


	19. Chapter 19-SAVED 2

**CHAPTER 19 - Saved**

_"Hey Kid you okay" grey hoodie asked. The sky blue eyes and emerald eyes peered at him filled with concern. _

_Still in a daze Deniz softly asked, "Are you angels?" _

00000

His saviors softly laughed and then green eyes answered, "Sorry, no such luck kid. I'm Oliver Sabel, this here is Christian Mann and that is Axel Grossmann."

"I know Mr. Grossmann. I even have his autograph"

"Hey Axel you got another fan here." Christian yelled over to Axel who at that moment was walking over to the bench after collecting the gym bags that they had unceremoniously dumped as they came to Deniz and Roman's rescue.

"And who might you be my dear." Oliver enquired tenderly.

"I'm Dennis Ozturk, Roman Wild's boyfriend." Deniz said the latter part of his introduction proudly.

Then the boy queried thoughtfully frowning at them

"But I've never seen either of you here before."

"He signed his boxing contract with the Wild Team just last week." Oliver informed Deniz proudly, nudging Christian.

"Wow so you're a boxer." Deniz exclaimed staring at Christian then he continued, "wait a minute! Your last name is Mann right. Do you know Gregor Mann?"

"He's my older brother."

"He owns the Hippest club EVER!" Deniz said exuberantly.

"Co-owns," Christian corrected, "Ollie here is his business partner."

"WOW!" Deniz just goggled at them both.

But suddenly reality came crashing down and his face darkened.

"I didn't even ask the medic where they were taking Roman."

"Don't worry I asked," Ollie said sympathetically patting his hand, "they took him to St. Christoph Memorial." Standing up Christian offered Deniz his hand.

Helping him back on to his feet he said "Come on we'll drop you there."

Sitting huddled in the backseat Deniz sent furtive glances towards Axel who was sitting beside him.

"Hey kid relax. I'm not going to eat you up."

"At his size you can never tell." Christian quipped snickering. "Up yours Mann" Axel mock angrily snapped back and all three older men laughed.

"You're Axel Grossman." Deniz mumbled.

"I know." Axel said and chuckled thinking why he always overwhelmed his fans.

"I'm gay" Deniz whispered.

"I realized that from your introduction." Axel smiled looking at Deniz.

But his smile soon disappeared when it finally dawned on the hockey player; he realized the reason behind the kid's odd behaviour wasn't shyness it was naked fear, fear of him - a hockey player just like the attackers.

He watched Deniz squirm and move farther away from him almost plastering himself to the inside of the car door.

Not able to bear it he finally said, "Just because an asshole like Fleischer is an Ice hockey player doesn't mean all of us are psychotic gay bashers. So please do me the favor of **not** lumping me with **_his_** kind."

Deniz meekly nodded.

Axel vowed that if he ever got his hands on Fleischer he would definitely wring his neck for putting such utter fear in someone so young.


	20. Chapter 20-THERE IS A GOD

**CHAPTER 20 - There is a God**

The hours passed very slowly Deniz sat in the visitor's room waiting for some news any news but the staff stayed mum harping the phrase 'patient information cannot be divulged to strangers.'

He called Roman's father, he called the center he called every one except the Pope but there was no response.

Dr Schwarz came and paid for the hospital stay but there was no sign of Sebastian Wild.

At his wits end Deniz called his father who suggested going thru Roman's cell phone and calling Annette Zadek who would definitely come rushing over.

Marian bustled into the visitor's room followed by Roman's cousin Annette.

Deniz collapsed into his father's arms.

"How is he?" Marian asked gently stroking his son's back.

"They won't tell me anything because I'm not family."

Annette patted the boy's cheek soothingly,

"Don't worry I'm here they will have to tell me." Saying this she briskly walked off towards the nurses' station to demand news about her brother.

Marian sat holding his son, silently praying for the man who had captured his child's heart.

Deniz let out a controlled sob.

"There were three of them. I couldn't protect him." He whimpered into his father's chest.

"It wasn't your fault." Marian tried to pacify.

"I was late. I should have been there on time" The boy continued wallowing in guilt. "If anything happens..."

"Nothing is going to happen to him. He's going to be fine," the father said firmly cutting him off. "Say it" he commanded

"He's going to be fine." Deniz repeated weakly wiping his tear stained face on his father shirt.

Annette walked in with a relieved smile

"He is fine, bruised and battered but on the whole no permanent damage as far as they can make out."

"Can I see him?" Deniz asked her shyly.

"Of course!" Annette said "come on."

Father and son followed her down the corridor to Roman's room.

Roman gave a tired grin and said looking at Deniz

"There's my knight in shining armor."

Deniz bounded up to the bed and leaned over to kiss his boyfriend. But suddenly realizing that they had company straightened up, kissed two fingers and placed them gently on an amused Roman's lips.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like I got kicked in the face." The injured man said blandly.

"What a way to meet huh baby brother?" Annette said trying to make light of the situation gently stroking Roman's hair.

"Well I had to do something drastic to get big time restaurant owner's attention." Roman joked back

"That is not funny Roman" Deniz scolded completely misunderstanding the jovial byplay.

"Calm down menace. I'm just kidding." Deniz humphed.

"So what's the verdict." Roman asked turning to Annette

"Well let's see ...broken nose," Annette said carefully tapping Roman's bandaged nose

"Gash on the head."

"Three bruised ribs and a bruised knee cap."

"Nothing broken?" Roman asked skeptically

"Nope, nothing broken Thank God. But you do have a strained ligament in your shoulder and it was dislocated as well."

"You really are much tougher than you look." Deniz observed

"Hun just because I'm an ice skater doesn't mean I'm made of glass."

Feeling that a fight might be brewing Annette discreetly shepherded Marian out of the room.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Then how did you mean it?" Roman snapped

"Just that you are tough; that you are strong physically. That's it."

Roman looked away not really able to believe the lame explanation; he had been ridiculed too many times so it was natural to take comments at face value

"I'm sorry Roman." Deniz said fighting back tears.

"Why should you be sorry? You didn't do anything." Roman said sarcastically still stung by the comment.

"That's just it I didn't do anything. First I was late and then instead of calling the cops I just let them beat you up and now I insulted you. I'm sorry." he closed his eyes reliving the moment he had seen Roman lying motionless on the grass as the three men kicked his body. Tears slithered down the pale cheek. He opened his eyes to look at his love's bruised face.

Hearing the choked voice Roman looked back at Deniz. Tears were slowly rolling down the boy's cheeks. He sometimes forgot just how young his boyfriend really was for all his tough talk and macho behaviour he was still little more than a child. A child who had been brought up in the loving cocoon of his father's constant care and the protection of a close knit family.

"Hey it isn't your fault." He soothed the boy, wiping away the tears "it could have happened anywhere anytime none of it is your fault. The ones to blame are Fleischer and his goons. We didn't invite it nor did we provoke them." As he gently caressed the boy's cheek Deniz leaned into the touch.

Deniz nodded sadly but wasn't soothed.

To distract the boy's mind the injured man changed topics and questioned

"How did I get here anyway?"

Deniz composed himself and clearing his throat asked.

"What do you remember?"

"Last thing I can recall clearly is you on top of me covering me and Fleischer talking about a 'two for one deal'. Then I heard you screaming after that I blacked out I guess."

"I screamed with all my might and we were saved by Axel Grossman and two of friends who were there to jog as well. I can't remember their names but one of them was Gregor's younger brother."

"Boxer right?"

"Yah"

"Oh it must have been Christian he just signed a contract with the Centre." Deniz nodded.

"What happened to Fleischer, he must have run off pretty quickly?" Roman said with conviction.

"Nope Axel and Christian beat the shit out of him and his buddies. Then they were handed over to the cops. They are all looking at some time in the big house"

"They'll be out and about by tomorrow morning." Roman scoffed.

"I don't think so. Including me there were four witnesses who saw those guys assaulting you so they'll have a tough time wiggling out of this situation."

"You don't know Grandetski he is pretty powerful."

"Well you're a Wild that has to count for something. If they're let go we'll just create a media blitz."

"It won't help. Who'll print a gay bashing story anyway?"

"My Aunt Carla for one. She has already sent this story to press."

"The woman must be crazy."

"Well craziness runs in the Von Lahnstein blood very deep and thick. We never back away from a fight."

"Grandetski will sue her for defamation."

"ROMAN! You really think a fart like Grandetski would stand a pissing chance should he go up against a billion euro empire headed by the Count Von Lahnstein, my Grandfather. The man deals directly with our national government. Going up against him is suicide in any form financial, political and even literal"

Roman just humphed he couldn't align himself with Deniz's innocent and young optimistic thought process. The proof of the pie was in the eating. Roman would have to see Fleischer in prison before he believed in Deniz's optimism.

Diary Entry

4th July 2006

Today I can say there definitely is a God.

Roman was attacked this morning by Fleischer and his punks. I tried my best to protect him but I wasn't enough against three grown men. Then the first miracle happened we were rescued and Fleischer was handed over to the cops.

Roman was taken to the hospital bleeding and unconscious I feared the worst.

Then the second miracle took place. His varied injuries which are a deep gash on the head, a broken nose, three bruised ribs, a bruised knee cap and a dislocated shoulder though a long list include no major injuries nor any permanent damage.

Then the third miracle my Uncle Leonard was on call so my dad was able to persuade him to run every test on earth on Roman to check if there weren't any internal damage that might show up when it was too late.

Roman was quite peeved by all the fuss but Dad threatened him a long drawn out hospital stay due to which Roman allowed Uncle Leo to carry out all the tests.

At the end I think Roman was more exhausted by the medical tests than by the beating.

I shouldn't joke about it but I'm so damn relieved Roman wasn't injured severely and he doesn't have any broken bones.

Today was really the best and worst day of my entire life.

Roman is resting in our guest room.

I think I'll go and see if he wants anything.

Coffee maybe or Tea or Me. Hehe!

Diary entry

14th July 2006

The conviction was a slam dunk. Fleischer and his two pals are gonna be locked up for the next 2 years. They definitely are nuts they cussed and screamed at the judge turning their measly initial 8 month sentence into the 2 years. What a trio of peanut brained morons. They definitely are gluttons for punishment.


	21. Chapter 21 - RANDOM CONVERSATIONS 1

"You've been cheating on your diet." Mike accused furiously.

"Just a little." Roman whined.

"Just a little? Is that what you think? A 5 ounce increase in weight in just 2 days that isn't a little. And if that wasn't bad enough you've been missing training as well." Mike growled.

"Come on gimme a break. I got bashed."

"Yes, you were, due to which you missed 3 weeks any way. You have to train harder the nationals aren't long way off. And you aren't getting any younger. Don't you want your career to mean anything?"

"Yah, whatever. Just get off my back Okay. I have a date."

"And that kid why the hell did you have to pick him of all people?"

"What do you mean 'why did I have to pick _him'_. What's wrong with him?"

"Nothings wrong with him per se but his priorities are very different from yours. He is becoming a serious distraction Roman."

"Distraction? What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you giving more importance to him than to the promise you made to yourself and to me after you won the bronze. You won't get placed at the World Championships _again_ if you continue like this."

"Don't worry the gold is mine. I'll get it."

"How? Enlighten me Roman. How will you win the Gold at the World Championships if you miss training and cheat on you diet?"

"So what are you saying? I should stop having a private life." Roman hissed.

"I did not say that. But Roman prioritize. Think what is the most important in **your** life. What do you want for yourself? What is your goal? What do you want Roman Wild's name to mean at the end of day?"

But Roman was in no mood for Mike's philosophical questions or lectures

"I'm already late Deniz must be waiting for me. We'll talk about this tomorrow." he said and breezed out of the gym before Mike had a chance to stop him or say anything else.

000000

"I think it's time I retired."

"What? What are you talking about?" Deniz was completely baffled by Roman's declaration.

"I'm too old for this shit."

"What rubbish. You're just 25…"

"I turn 26 on 11th October." Roman informed

"Big deal. You still have many good years in you."

"Yah maybe. But have you seen the others competing against me they're younger and can train harder."

"But none have your charisma which instantly wins the crowds and the judges which is a huge part of skating. That counts for a lot."

"More." Roman begged.

"You flow on the ice like an angel and you emote better than anyone ever could or ever can. You are hypnotizing when you're on the ice." Deniz said massaging this boyfriend's ego then smiled and asked, "More?"

Roman suppressed a giggle "No, I think that's enough daft flattery for one day." and swatted his boyfriend playfully

"No more talk of retirement then." Deniz enquired smiling angelically.

"After that ego boost I don't think so." And they both burst out laughing.


	22. Chapter 22 -RANDOM CONVERSATIONS 2

"Hey look Axel and Olivia are getting married." Deniz chimed holding up the invitation, "can you believe it?"

"Yeah Axel must be outta his mind tying himself to that self absorbed bird brain."

"Hey! I think she's nice."

"Says the simpering fan." Roman teased.

"You have to agree she is a good actress."

"Okay I'll give you that. Playing sweet and innocent is really a stretch for her." They both snickered.

000000000

"Miriam where is Olli?" Deniz asked breezing into No Limits

"Upstairs. But if I was you I wouldn't go up there. Christian and he are having a huge fight." Miriam warned.

"Nothing new they're always at each other's throat like an old married couple." Miriam and he laughed in mutual agreement.

Deniz climbed the stairs leading to the flat-share. He could hear the raised voices and he flinched.

As he got nearer to the door he saw it was open a crack. He was able to hear the heated exchange quite clearly and the content intrigued him very much.

"Do you have any idea who that was?" Olli screamed.

"Your new boyfriend?" Christian snidely asked

"Lukas Weidner! Doesn't mean anything to you does it?" Olli growled.

"Not really."

"He's a restaurant critic for City Magazine."

"So what?"

"One favorable review by him and you're made for life. But now I might as well forget about that"

"Really? How far would you have gone so that he'd write something nice? He was only trying to get into your pants"

"Don't you get it? Being polite is part of our business."

"Exactly! 'Polite'! Not blatant flirting!"

"Christian, I didn't want to do anything with that guy. Why do you have to be so jealous?"

"You know exactly why." Christian blasted.

There was a thud and then silence.

Fearing for Olli's safety Deniz whipped the door open.

What he saw boggled him.

The loud sound had been caused by Olli being slammed against the pillar beside the kitchen island but he wasn't hurt. Far from it, instead he was just trapped between the pillar and Christian's bulk; who was at that moment was thoroughly and passionately kissing Olli.


	23. Chapter 23-RANDOM CONVERSATIONS 3

"Oh. My. God." Deniz exclaimed loudly then promptly slapped a hand to his mouth to stop himself from saying anything else. The intimate couple instantly jerked apart and goggled at Deniz.

Deniz quickly scurried inside turned towards the door and shut it firmly then flipped the lock.

Taking a deep breath he processed the new information then turned back towards them

"Christian you're Gay? WOW. I don't believe it." He finally worded out staring at the two men.

Christian nodded dumbly averting his gaze.

"You're keeping it a secret then" Deniz observed plonking himself onto the dining table.

"It's for the best." Olli said slowly massaging Christian's shoulder.

"For five thousand euros I'll keep my mouth shut." Deniz said flatly

The pair gaped at Deniz completely bewildered by the boy's proposition.

Looking at their aghast expression Deniz giggled mischievously saying "I'm just kidding guys."

The older men let out a collective sigh of relief and sat down on the couch. Then turned around so that they faced Deniz.

"No one's supposed to know." Christian finally said.

"Well it is kinda necessary I guess." Deniz agreed "you being Mr. Macho Boxer and all."

"No one! Not even Roman should know about this." Christian warned

"Roman knows Olli is gay and has a boyfriend." Deniz observed

"But he doesn't know who it is. And you better not enlighten him." Olli said in a cautioning tone.

"Otherwise…"Christian threatened waving his fist.

"Oh believe me I have no wish whatsoever to be on the other end of _that_ right hook."

Christian kept glaring at him completely unconvinced.

"Loosen up Christian. I maybe young but I'm not a blabber-mouth. _I know how to keep a secret_."

"So how many people know about you two being you know …together." the boy asked

"Including you six."

"A word of advice if you don't want to increase that number lock the door next time." Deniz said sagely.

"That's exactly what Gregor said." Olli uttered thoughtfully.

"He walked in on you while you were making out." Deniz pried.

"Worse, he walked in while we were in bed." Olli blushed

"Oh boy that's …Oh man I have absolutely no idea what to say." The boy blathered flabbergasted.

"Then don't say anything." Christian huffed feeling extremely uncomfortable by the disclosure that Olli had shared with Deniz.

They sat in complete silence which was only broken by Deniz's soft laughter.

"What's so funny kid?" Christian enquired annoyed by the sudden laughter.

"I always did think you were too perfect to be straight."

"What?" Christian was astounded.

"Yah! Just look at you. You have the body to die for and a face that makes everyone drool. Dude, you even have perfect teeth."

"I think you just surpassed Olli in the flattery department." Christian said earning a punch on the chest from Olli.

"Ow that hurt." Christian whined rubbing the area.

"It was supposed to wise ass." Olli said peevishly. Christian just pulled Olli into a kiss.

Deniz giggled at the by play. His mind went over all the subtle and innocent innuendoes that usually past between the two and he saw the conversations in a whole new light.

"Who could've imagined." Deniz thought to himself as he watched the two playfully tussle with each other "Macho Christian Mann is Gay." and chuckled inwardly.

After watching the couple cuddle for a few minutes Deniz cleared his throat to attract their attention. They both just glanced at him smiling dreamily.

"ANYWAY let's get back to business."

"Business?"

"Yah I was sent here to deliver a message. You guys just sidetracked me."

"Olli you have been requested to please come to the castle by Aunt Carla. Judith and Lydia can't handle Olivia anymore."

"Oh No not AGAIN!" Olli exclaimed and buried his face in Christian's chest.

He breathed in Christian's scent to calm himself. Composing himself he peeked up at Deniz and asked meekly

"What did she do this time?"

"Threw a hissy fit because the castle kitchen staff doesn't know how to make something called Gemelli aruguli … argula pesto. I think Justus is going to burst a vessel if you don't get there soon." "That girl is going to be the end of me." Olli groused as he extracted himself from Christian's arms and got up to follow Deniz.

00000000

"There are an army of photographers here" Deniz observed.

"Of course there are. It not everyday that two celebrities - one a hockey player the other an actress get engaged in our Essen." Roman knowledgably informed him.

"Does that mean I get to drink?"

"Not a chance. You my dear are the designated driver tonight so all you get are cokes and mocktails."

"I hate you." Deniz huffed

"But you love me more." Roman teased

"Maybe I do maybe I don't" his boyfriend said coyly.

"You know you do." Roman countered and tugged him by the collar into a deep kiss.

00000

"You wanna hang out tonight." Deniz asked Olli and Christian.

"Didn't you have a date with Roman?"

"I cancelled."

"Why?" both men chorus.

"Because I have something far more important to talk to you both about."


	24. Chapter 24-RANDOM CONVERSATIONS 4

Roman was pissed Deniz had cancelled their date again.

But he couldn't blame the poor boy School had started up again and 12th was no walk in the park. It was understandable.

What he couldn't understand was why he had refused Roman's help.

Instead, his boyfriend had joined some tutoring classes. Said it had been Marian's decision.

Marian was a good father and only wanted what was best for his son.

So getting angry at either of them was grossly wrong.

Roman would be around but scoring meritoriously in 12th grade were a one time thing.

"So Roman suck it up. He's here and so are you. He's not cheating he's making his future. That is damn more important than a date." He scolded himself and headed of to train with Mike.

"Come on Deniz you said we'd meet Gregor and plan Axel's bachelor party."

"I can't I have a Chem test tomorrow."

"Okay fine." Roman hissed into the phone

"Please don't be pissed. I promise I'll make it up to you." Deniz's voice pleaded in his ear.

"I'm holding you to that promise. Okay then go and study. If you're done early I'll be at Gregor's."

"I'll try to be there." Came the unsure answer.

"Okay, bye. I love you" he said

"I love you too." he heard Deniz say hesitantly before the line was cut. He smiled wondering when his boyfriend would get over his teenage awkwardness of stating his emotions.

000000

"He's coming?" the man asked.

"Yes he is." The other man said proceeding to take off his clothes.

000000

Roman was bugged he had been waiting for the older Mann for half an hour but he had seen neither hair nor hide of the man. He was getting bored watching the No Limits staff stock up for the evening. Where the hell was Gregor?

He tried his friend's cell again the sweet recorded voice again informed him pleasantly

"The number you are trying to reach is presently switched off. Please try again later."

He gnashed his teeth and stuffed the cell in his pocket.

Judith came bouncing down the stairs with a wide grin on her cherubic face.

Roman approached her "Have you seen Gregor?"

Judith smiled and whispered conspiratorially

"I think he's entertaining someone 'special' upstairs. He called earlier and said he didn't want to be disturbed tonight" the petite brunette giggled before proceeding to join Constantine who was waiting for her by the entrance of the restaurant.

'Entertaining some one special huh' Roman smiled knowingly. He darted up the stairs wondering who this special someone could be.

The front door was open and there was no sign of Gregor. He was about to start back down the stairs when he thought he heard Gregor's hushed voice coming from Christian and Oliver's flat share. He could make out two voices. The voices were both definitely male and were coming from the bedrooms. As he got closer he realized one was definitely Olli's. So Gregor was just with his business partner. Judith was talking nonsense.

'Gregor are you in there?" Roman called out. The murmuring stopped instantly.

He saw the light streaming from under Olli's bedroom door.

"What are you two doing in there with the door closed?" He got no response

"Gregor I swear if you've turned gay then I'm telling everyone," chuckling jovially he turned the handle and pushed the bedroom door open.

Instead of the expected laughter he heard a terrified gasp and the scene that greeted him made his body lose all sensation. If he hadn't been holding on to the door handle he would have definitely collapsed from the utter mind numbing shock.


	25. Chapter 25-BETRAYAL

24 september 2006

Roman felt his heart stop.

He couldn't believe the scene in front of him.

His young lover was in bed ...with another man.

**His** Deniz was in bed with Ollie Sabel.

Both occupants of the bed were startled by the intrusion and stared at him.

Ollie swallowed in visible fear but it was Deniz's cold expression which made Roman feel like he had been punched in the gut.

Deniz slowly reached down, picked up his boxers from beside the bed and put them on. Still sitting on the rumpled bed he said casually, "Well it's a good thing everything's out in the open now."

"Deniz why?" Roman choked out in shocked disbelief his brain unable to absorb any part of the scene in front of him. He stared expectantly into the beloved face hoping this was a one off mistake, hoping apologetic words would be the next words that would pass Deniz's lips.

But what came out just made his heart shatter.

"Quite simple. I liked being the boyfriend of 'Roman Wild Ice Skater'." Deniz said making air quotes.

"I liked being in the limelight with you. I liked all the perks that came with it. Now that you're planning to retire ... and your father showing no inclination to pass on the reins to you...a down and out, has been..." Deniz left the rest unsaid.

Roman glowered at the boy and bristled

"I don't believe it. I can't believe it. You are just ... you were with me ... you just wanted ..."Roman took in a sharp breath then growled dangerously his face flushed with rage

"You really **are** a gold digging twink, **aren't you**? Behind that innocent face is a manipulative devil and in that chest is a cash register instead of a heart. You're **quite** the seasoned hustler."

Deniz just kept looking at him coldly as Roman ranted on.

"Why the fuck did I ever, EVER even think you'd be any different. I must be the biggest idiot on this planet falling for the same shit again and again." He shook his head.

Now turning his burning glare at Olli he snarled "And **you** I thought you were my friend. This is how you prove your friendship. I take it this is your ever absent boyfriend." Olli visibly shivered at the venom in Roman's voice.

"You conniving little bastard." he spat out at Deniz giving the boy one last disgusted glance.

Deniz just gave him a bored look.

Whirling around Roman stalked out of the room.

The slamming of the front door with its loud bang confirmed Roman's exit from Deniz's life.


	26. Chapter 26-AFTERMATH

_"You really __**are**__ a gold digging twink, __**aren't you**__? Behind that innocent face is a devil and in that chest is a cash register instead of a heart. You're __**quite**__ the seasoned hustler." _

_"You conniving little bastard."_

The slamming of the front door with its loud bang confirmed Roman's exit from Deniz's life.

The reverberation of the jarring sound painfully echoed in the emptiness that now filled the boy's aching heart.

Deniz's face crumpled and he let out a sob of despair. Olli slipped out from under the covers wearing his jeans zipped and buttoned, and belt still buckled as he had never taken them off anyway. He came over to Deniz and gathered him to his chest in a caring brotherly hug. The bathroom door creaked; Christian and Gregor came out and enfolded the boy along with Olli in a group hug of support.

Deniz finally whimpered between heart wrenching sobs "I did good, didn't I? He will go back to skating now, won't he?"

"Yes he will. I know him too well. Roman Wild will be back with a vengeance." Gregor told him, placing a gentle fatherly kiss on his forehead.

Deniz extracted himself from their collective embrace and headed for the bathroom. He splashed water on his hot face, his stomach was churning. He knew what would come next; he bent over the toilet bowl and threw up. Slowly sinking to the cold tiles he lay there motionless contemplating his broken heart and wondering how he was supposed to go on after this.

* * *

Finally picking himself off the floor he cleaned himself and went back out. He picked up his clothes and with numb hands dressed himself.

Leaving Christian and Olli's apartment he slowly made his way down to No Limits. He saw all three older men getting ready for another busy evening. Nodding them a mute farewell he left.

Watching the boy leave Olli couldn't help but question their extreme action,

"Do you think it is worth the heartache the poor boy is going through?"

"If I know Roman he's going to make it all worth it. When he caught Ricky cheating on him he went and picked up his Bronze and Ricky was just a fleeting summer romance." Gregor informed Olli

"I don't think Deniz will ever get over him. Roman will definitely move on, he is too damn resilient. But Deniz I'm scared for him I saw a part of him just wither and die tonight." Christian couldn't help but observe.

* * *

After a long and tiring shift at No Limits they turned in for the night. The couple lay down in bed but sleep eluded them. They tossed and turned finally ending up lying there facing each other. Christian gently caressed Olli face with light fingers looking at him with misted eyes. He said in a hoarse whisper as he gazed into the sparkling emeralds,

"I don't know what I would do if you ever cheated on me."

"You never ever have to worry about that Christian I'd rather die than cheat on you, I just love you too much" his lover reassured and buried his face in Christian's neck. Christian felt tears wet his shoulder. He pulled Olli closer and held him tighter. They both sent up silent prayers thanking the heavens for the love of the wonderful man in whose arms they lay.

* * *

Deniz opened the two suitcases and haphazardly started dumping in items. Shirts, T-shirts, underwear, jeans, track pants, gym shorts, socks. When his closet was almost empty his eyes fell on the water bottle he had secretly tucked away months ago. Picking it up, he added it to the contents of the larger suitcase.

Turning he went to his study table to pick up his books and the welcome package from the residential school he had been accepted into. An item draped over the back of his chair shattered his numbed state and he broke again. Caressing the velvety material he buried his face in the purple cloudy softness and dissolved into heart wrenching sobs.

As the torrent of tears dissipated he carefully folded the treasured scarf, his last link to the man he loved, and zipped it in the vacuum seal bag along with the water bottle. Tender reminders of the precious gift he had just thrown away.

Marian watched his distraught son put away the scarf; the bitter-sweet scene made him ache. He had hoped his son would never know the pain Marian himself had faced; when he had lost the love of his life, suddenly, to a burst aneurysm.

But there was a difference Roman was alive, Deniz had knowingly cut him out of his life.

He wondered if Deniz would survive his heart shattering decision in one piece.

**Chapter End Notes:**

_I'm was so depressed after writing that I had to watch this beautiful video._

_I recommend that you see this a hundred times just to lift your spirits_

_Hope it helps you like it helped me._

_ 7627294_

_thanks to geekchick1013_


	27. Chapter 27-NECESSARY BETRAYAL

Author's Chapter Notes:

Why?When?What?Where?How?

All is revealed.

About a month earlier

"You're just being stupid." Deniz said is exasperation. His boyfriend was such a shit head.

"Come on. I told you I can't do it anymore. Age is catching up with me." Roman whined.

For a grown man Roman sure could whine like a six year old. Deniz wanted to give him a good shake. How could anyone be so stubborn?

"Age nothing! You're just being lazy. If you push yourself just a little bit you'll be back in fighting fit shape."

"That's what you think. But it's not the truth. How can I fight a deteriorating body?" Roman said as he munched on a french fry.

Deniz put aside the plate that Roman was holding and said "By staying on your diet. And not missing training. How dim are you?"

"I hardly see you nowadays." Roman leaned in to kiss him.

Deniz backed away and cocking an eyebrow said

"Dude, we spend almost all our waking hours together and sometimes even our sleeping hours. So don't talk bullshit and give lame excuses for your own laziness."

"I guess we do, don't we?" Roman said sheepishly.

Then he said vehemently "but I'm not making excuses."

Deniz wondered how and what would change Roman's mind. Last time flattery had worked but now what was he supposed to do, ... say, to change his love's mind so that he would see common sense.

They sat in silence for a few seconds when Deniz suddenly said, "I think we should cut down on our dating that would give you more time to focus on what is important. Which is your skating. Roman you have Olympic Gold potential. Why do you want to just throw it all away?"

"No way I can't stay away from you."

"Roman I'm not going anywhere nor am I going to drop dead tomorrow. We cut back when I was preparing for my exams. Why can't we do it now?"

"It wouldn't make a difference. I just don't have it in me anymore."

"Please think about it. Don't do something you'll deeply regret later. You're very agitated right now. Anybody would be after that spill you had." gently caressing the bandaged cut on roman's forehead he continued "Think about it once you have cooled down."

"NO! My decision is final." Roman said firmly as he jerked away from Deniz's loving touch. The skater picked up the plate and stuffed the French fries in his mouth.

"Go ahead do just what you feel like. Screw up your life. But don't come to me looking for a shoulder to cry on when you regret your very retarded decision." Deniz was at his wits end he didn't know how to handle his bull headed boyfriend.

"Don't worry I won't" Roman spat at him.

* * *

Deniz was on his way out of the center. He had to get home quickly and change. Roman and he were going to No Limits for a night of dancing. Well Roman needed to be cheered up. planning to retire from a sport he had dedicated his life to for more than 20 years was a major change for him.

He saw Mike lounging by the pool.

As soon as the coach saw Deniz he got up and briskly walked up to him.

"Deniz I have to talk to you."

"Sure Mike what's up?" he said looking at his watch hoping the coach wouldn't take up too much of his time, Roman wouldn't like being kept waiting.

"Roman has decided to announce his retirement after the Nationals." Mike informed him of the news he already was privy to.

"I know." Deniz nodded sadly

"You have to make him change his mind."

"I tried, believe me, I tried. But he won't listen."

"Then we need to change tactics. I have a plan."

Deniz couldn't believe what Roman's coach was asking him to do; he sprang off his chair

"No! No way! No how! Even the hounds of hell couldn't make me do **that**! You must be out of your fucking mind!" Deniz blasted and started to leave

Grabbing his arm the coach yanked Deniz around so that they faced each other again "Then **you** tell me. **You** find another way we can make him change his mind. To stop him from making the biggest mistake of his career." Mike badgered

"Can I at least think about it? I have every right to thoroughly think about this, your so called 'genius plan', before I flush my **relationship** down the toilet."

"There are lots of fish in the sea Deniz. Let this one go." Mike declared and proceeded to pat his shoulder.

"Fuck You Mike!." Deniz threw over his shoulder with a snarl as he stalked off.

* * *

"Deniz have you gone completely and absolutely out of your damn mind." Olli yelled at the boy.

"It's the only way he will ever stick to skating." Deniz said dully.

"Christian talk to him; knock some sense into that thick skull of his." Olli looked at his boyfriend hoping to elicit his support.

"In a way it is quiet true. Roman needs a hard shove to get back on the right track." Christian said thoughtfully as he munched on his apple.

"I don't believe it! You're in favor of this crazy fiasco in the making. It's not just a hard shove Christian; it's a hard shove - off a cliff."

Olli was fuming he couldn't believe that both the younger men were in alliance in this absurd conspiracy.

"I'm not going to be a part of this. No way in hell. Christian you do it." he flung at Christian who glared at him.

Olli gave a disgusted smile and snarled "Or better still get Timo to do it." The lovers glared at each other.

Deniz seeing that Olli might just leave, he pulled the raven haired man down to sit beside him.

"Olli Please! It's the only way. You are my only hope." Deniz pleaded in desperation.

Olli's heart melted as he looked into that begging young face

"Okay, against my better and saner judgement I'll do it."

"Thank you." Deniz said in a pained whisper.

All three sat in silence thinking their own thoughts the lull broken only by an occassional crunch when Christian took a bite of his apple.

The apple completely consumed and nothing else to distract him Christian couldn't control himself any more he had to ask,"Have you thought of the consequences."

"Yah I have. He'll hate me forever. That's a forgone conclusion." Deniz said dejectedly leaning his head on Olli's shoulder.

"And what if he forgives you? What then?" Olli asked finally putting an arm around his shoulders and rubbed the boy's upper arm gently.

"He won't."

"You really think he won't. He loves you, very deeply, if I might add." Olli said slowly emphasing the latter part.

"I know he won't." Deniz said with utter conviction. "Roman can forgive anything. Anything except lying to him."

* * *

"Deniz is this absolutely necessary."

"Yes Dad. A clean break is completely necessary."

"But why do you have to leave Essen?"

"After what I'm about to do, do you think I will be able to survive a day here. After hurting him seeing him day in day out would be torture. I'll end up telling him the truth within the week and we'll be back to square one."

Marian was about to say something else but Deniz interrupted

"We have to go to Cologne for my interview on Sunday."

Marian was astounded Deniz had definitely thought this through down to the very last detail. Then a thought struck him and he asked

"Don't you have a lunch date with Roman that day?"

"I'll break it off."

"What excuse will you give for being unable to meet him on a Sunday. No one takes classes on a Sunday."

"I'll tell him I'm going to spend the day with you and Grandpa Lahnstein. Believable enough don't you think. Dad I've thought out everything. Please trust me I know what I'm doing." he said rolling his eyes.

"Deniz this is utter madness."

"This is a question of his future happiness." Deniz told his father in a toneless voice as he wiped and put away the dishes that he had just finished washing.

"And what about **your** future happiness? Have you thought how this will affect **your** future? You have an assured placing at Essen University."

"I'll try for Cologne University."

"But what if you don't get in there? That'll mean an end to any chance of your going pro. Have you thought about that?"

"I'll jump off that bridge when I come to it."

* * *

"He believes the cockamamie story about the 'tutorials' you're supposedly attending." Olli was surprised at Roman's trusting gullibility

"Yeah, he believes me." Deniz softly breathed out.

"We should call this whole thing off. Fuck Mike." Christian said heatedly, though at the outset he had been in favor of this plan, he wasn't anymore; he had seen Deniz slowly sink into depression under the pressure of the constant lying.

"No, Christian I made Mike a promise. I have to keep it."

"And what about your promise of loyalty to Roman? Doesn't that count for anything?" Christian asked peevishly.

"At the moment his future is way more important. Maybe later …. In the very distant future if he's still single I could ask for his forgiveness and try to salvage what we had. But as of now this is what I have to do."

* * *

His cell buzzed.

"Hey Roman. Sorry I can't come…"

"I can't I have a Chem test tomorrow" Deniz choked out the blatant lie

"Okay fine." Roman's voice angrily hissed in his ear.

"Please don't be pissed. I promise I'll make it up to you." His heart twinged as he said this, he knew if things went according to plan he wouldn't get a chance to fulfill his promise.

"I'll try to be there." Deniz said, when in actuality he was already at No Limits and waiting for Roman to come.

Roman told him he loved him and it hurt. Why did he have to say it? That too now of all times. Why did the Gods have to torture him like this?

"I love you too." Deniz whispered feeling his heart slowly tearing apart. This would be the last time he would ever say those words to Roman.

He put off his cell phone and slowly started up the stairs.

"He's coming?" Olli asked nervously.

"Yes, he is." Deniz confirmed proceeding to take off his clothes.

"Okay, Thanks Judith," Christian cut off the connection.

"He's on his way up." He said turning to the other three occupants of the room. "His curiosity got the better of him like always."

Gregor turned to Deniz "You alright kiddo? There's still time we can call the whole thing off right this minute."

He looked worriedly at the unnaturally calm expression on the teenage face and he felt very uneasy.

"No, I'm ready." Deniz said in a clear strong voice.

"We'll be right in there. If you feel you can't go through with it; you just have to yell. Both Christian and I will come running out and claim it is all just a dirty prank."

"No I'm ready. I'll do it. You go and wait in the bathroom with Christian." Giving him a last worried glance the brothers walked into the adjoining room and shut the door behind them.

He heard Roman's approaching voice "What are you two doing in there with the door closed?"

The pair in bed adjusted the sheets over themselves to give the illusion that both of them were unclothed. When in actuality Deniz was the only one who had taken off all his clothes. Now that he was covered he tugged off his boxer and dropped it beside the bed so that once Roman came in he would be completely naked removing any doubts.

Looking at Olli he asked uncomfortably "Should I kiss you to make it more believable," Olli nodded.

Deniz placed his lips on Olli's as Roman's amused voice came through the closed door

"Gregor I swear if you've turned gay then I'm telling everyone,"

He concentrated on trying to kiss Olli as the handle turned and the door was flung open.

**Chapter End Notes:**

_There's angst._

_There's pain._

_There's misery._

_Please bear with me._


	28. Chapter 28-JUST A GOODBYE

"Mom! I did something."

"I hope I did the right thing."

"Do you think he'll ever forgive me?"

"Do I even deserve his forgiveness?"

"I love him **so much**."

"I did it for his **own** good."

"God, I sound like Dad, don't I?"

"I wish you were here. I **miss** you so much."

"You had said you'd be there for my wedding. That you'd proudly give me away to the man I chose to spend my life with. **Now** maybe I'll never get married anyway"

"But I guess it's a good thing you aren't here. You'd just be ashamed of me."

"I hurt him so much."

"I feel like my heart is going to stop any minute."

"How do I go on after this?"

"Mom, I just want a hug from you."

"Mom, please come back."

A gentle wind ruffled his hair. He felt his mother's caress. He felt calmer.

"I'm going away Mom. To Cologne."

"I may not see you for a couple of years. Please don't be mad at me."

Deniz bent down and placed the flowers over the grave of his beloved parent.

She had been gone now for almost two years. Cruelly snatched away from him.

He kissed his fingers and gently caressed the ornate headstone that lay over his mother.

He slowly walked out of the cemetery.

He had a train to catch.

**_Rebecca Von Lahnstein - Ozturk_**

_**Beloved Daughter, Sister, **_

_**Cherished Wife **_

_**Wonderful Mother.**_

_"A precious one from us has gone._

_A voice we loved is stilled._

_A place is vacant in our home, which never can be filled."_

**9th September 1966 - 8th October 2004**


	29. Chapter 29-BACK ON TRACK

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

_Take your records,_

_Take your freedom_

_Take your memories,_

_I don't need 'em_

_Take your space_

_and take your reasons_

_But __**you'll**__ think of me_

_And take your cap_

_And leave my sweater_

_'Cause we have nothing left to weather_

_In fact I'll feel a whole lot better_

_But __**you'll**__ think of me,_

_**You'll**__ think of me_

_- John Barrowman_

Wild Journal

25 September 2006 

I must be the **stupidest** person on this planet.

When the hell will I ever learn?

I left myself open to manipulation **AGAIN**.

After the Ricky chapter you'd think I would have used my brain instead of my heart when I chose a new boyfriend.

But it's been déjà vu.

He lied to me! There had never been any tutorials. He had been right there in **that** apartment above No Limits all along.

Actually Deniz is **worse** than Ricky, at least I knew Ricky liked the fact that I had money.

Deniz from day one behaved like he wanted only me; not the media personality, not the Wild heir but plain old Roman the man.

That whole scarf drama had me totally convinced that he was the one for me. I gave him a power over me that I should never have relinquished.

The power to hurt me.

He ripped my heart out and stomped on it.

He's off on his merry way again.

He's moved on to _greener_ pastures.

He'll live to regret his decision.

He called me a '**_has been_**'.

He'd better **wait and watch** what this '**_has been_**' is made of.

I'll make him **eat** his words.

Oliver Sabel is most welcome to that limelight seeking money hungry little bitch.


	30. Chapter 30-TRYING TO MEND

Author's Chapter Notes:

Life goes on.

Time passes ... but the heart never forgets

Diary entry

11th October 2006

It's **his** birthday today I want to call **him**.

I want to hear his **voice** just once more.

I have to be strong. I **can't** call him. I just can't.

I have to move on. But how do I move on when I'm still in love with him.

Will I ever get over him?

I can't get over him.

I won't get over him.

I **DON'T** want to get over him.

* * *

Roman's head ached. He had a fantastic hangover. What a way to spend his birthday. Getting royally drunk all alone. If only that stupid phone would stop ringing.

* * *

Diary Entry

12th October 2006

6:00AM

I couldn't stop myself I just called him. But there was no answer. He must have been out partying. Guess he must have crashed at Annette's.

Diary entry

18th October 2006

The school is okay. I miss home desperately. I was able to get onto the team here. Mr. Altenberg's glowing recommendation definitely helped. Studies and hockey fill my day now.

The smoke screen worked, after dropping the Von Lahnstein name it was like watching magic happen. The authorities here believe that I had to be moved here for my safety as there is a hit out on all Von Lahnstein blood. They treat me like royalty. They give me my space. The students don't bother me too much.

* * *

"Hey Ozturk. I didn't know you were a fairy."

Deniz glared at Engel "What the fuck are you talking?" damn that bloody weasel he was always picking on him.

"This you fudge packer? You and that nancy boy skater" Engel said waving some society article. In the accompanying picture were Roman, Gregor, Axel and him. Roman had his arm around his shoulders which had most probably caused Engel's tirade.

Students started to gather around hoping for a show.

Deniz thought for a beat then shot back.

"Then Axel Grossman MUST be gay as well."

"What utter rubbish." Engel spat out.

"Why?" Deniz asked in all innocence giving him the sweetest smile.

"He's marrying Olivia Schneider the actress. Asshole." Engel shrieked back at him.

"Well **he** invited me to that particular party celebrating his engagement **TO HER. **That's exactly where this picture was taken." Deniz informed, which was the truth anyway.

"I did know him on first name basis you know. I am a Von Lahnstein if you've forgotten I rubbed elbows with the crème de la crème of Essen on a regular basis." which was a blatant lie.

The students surrounding them looked at him with awe

"But that _thing_ has his paws all over you." Engel refused to give up.

"You wanna know why?" Deniz was getting really pissed.

Engel looked at the new student with a nasty gleam in his eyes hoping for a confession from Deniz. He wanted to be the hero. Exposing the uppity Ozturk as being gay would definitely boost his standing in the school social ladder. He waited with a smile of satisfaction.

Deniz looked at Engel's smirking face and the curious almost disgusted look everyone present was giving him. He had to think fast or he would be in deep shit. He had to survive in this god forsaken place for another six months.

Deniz's brain was working overtime and he made up lies as he went along

"Roman was so drunk he was flirting with everything that moved. I had to bear it. Angering him meant gaining the wrath of his father - Sebastian Wild. You know that deadly guy don't you. What he can do to anyone who crosses him or his son? Remember that coach who had refused to train Roman. His homicide case is still open even after 5 years." Engel looked chastised, he squirmed where he stood and nodded in agreement.

A general wave of whispered agreement passed thru the crowd that was standing surrounding them.

"So next time get your facts right before you fling accusations. Dumb Ass!" Deniz gave his angriest glare hoping that the bully had been put in his place finally.

Engel looked shame faced at him and started apologizing profusely. Instead of boosting his social standing he had just turned himself into the laughing stock of the campus.

Deniz on the other hand was now a celebrity and hero. Poor thing being felt up by that horrid little skater and not being able to do anything about it coz then his life would be in danger.

* * *

Deniz felt sick. How could he lie like that about Roman.

Roman who was the sweetest drunk he had ever met.

His mind went back to the night of the engagement party to what had really happened that night.

They had enjoyed themselves thoroughly that night. Though drunk Roman had been a complete gentleman.

As the night wound down Deniz had to almost carry Roman towards the parking lot. This was a slightly difficult task as Roman kept trying to dance away from him. He was enthusiastically trying to show his boyfriend some or the other move from his new skating routine and he kept on blabbering nineteen to a dozen. Even sober roman was talkative but drunk, Roman didn't even seem to stop to take a breath.

As he had helped Roman into the Jag the sweetly smiling thoroughly drunk man had dreamily looked up at him and declared, "Deniz you would make the perfect husband. You take such good care of me. As soon as you finish college I'm marrying you. Definitely. Yup the day you graduate from college we'll have a big wedding, even bigger than Axel and Olivia's. You'll wear dove grey and I'll be in black ...no... not black. Purple! of course purple. That's my signature colour ..." as Deniz had driven them back to the apartment Roman had continued with a detailed description of everything he wanted for their big day,.

Deniz's heart had swollen to twice its size as utter joy had engulfed him.

All he had been able to do was just smile back at Roman's keen face unable to utter a single syllable; his throat choked up with emotion.

Later as he had helped Roman get undressed for bed, the older man had turned to him and said, "You know which song our situation reminds me of. You want to hear it?"

"Go ahead sing it." Deniz had encouraged him wondering which ridiculous song his drunken love was going to treat him to. But Roman had only made Deniz fall deeper in love with him when he had proceeded to croon a slightly slurred and off key rendition of Eric Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight".

He had explained as they had snuggled under the covers. "See the last lines is totally us, isn't it? You drove me home and then helped me to bed. You were truly Wonderful Tonight to me."

As Roman had lain there snoring Deniz had stayed awake for quite a long time just staring at that angelic face framed by the dark blond hair. Unable to resist he had traced it contours with light fingers the broad forehead, the high cheekbones, the pointed pixie nose, the strong jaw, those beautiful soft tiny lips, the clefted chin,. Forever with this man would be a dream come true. His teenage mind that night had been filled with visions of crisp tuxedoes and softly playing violin music; as he dreamed of waltzing on a marble dance floor with Roman on their special day.

As the memories crashed into him his heart bled for what he had lost.

Knowing that crying in front of his room mate would be counter productive after this afternoon's stellar performance he instead pulled out his diary to give release to the ache in his heart.

In my living

There is no longer any sense.

There will be never be that white picket fence.

No cottage on the hillside.

No warm fire to sit by.

I dreamt a dream.

But reality gave me a knock.

I snapped out of the pleasure

And crashed into solid rock.

Time cannot change my destiny.

Time cannot heal me.

Time will never change the hurt I inflicted

In rock is now set the wrong I dictated.

Diary entry

20th October 2006

After being out for 3 years I'm back in the closet. I feel sick to my stomach every time anyone asks when they will see a picture of the (non existent) girl friend I've left behind in Essen.

Diary entry

24th October 2006

My desperation has caused me to do the unthinkable I showed them a picture of Nina and claimed she was my girlfriend. They were highly impressed and congratulated me for having such a HOT girlfriend. I am so disgusting using my sister as a beard.

* * *

Deniz headed to the cashier carrying his purchases, something tingled his nostrils

"That fragrance... Roman!?"

He looked all around intently and expectantly.

Had Christian and Olli told him the truth?

Had he come to find Deniz?

But his bubble burst when he realized that he was standing in front of the perfume counter. A sales person had just sprayed a generous amount of Roman's favourite cologne, Azzaro Chrome, on the wrist of a client. His heightened heart rate instantly slowed and utter disappointment took over.

He desolately continued on to the cash counter.

Chapter End Notes:


	31. Chapter 31-ENCOUNTER

"Hello." The drowsy man mumbled into the phone.

"Gregor? It's me Deniz."

The man blinked up at the clock by his bed

"It's 5 in the morning Deniz! What's wrong?"

"I'll be reaching at 7."

"Reaching where at 7?" Gregor asked sleepily.

"Essen, of course."

"You're coming to Essen?" the club owner was completely awake now.

"Yes. Can you pick me up at the train station?"

"Sure Of course I'll be there."

"And Gregor don't tell Dad. I don't want anyone to know. I'm coming only for the wedding."

"Okay, sure. You have my word."

"Thanks a lot Gregor. I knew I could trust you."

"So I'll see you when you reach here."

"Bye and thanks again."

"Bye, kid"

Quickly dressing Gregor headed out. He ceaselessly rang his brother's doorbell until a bleary eyed Olli opened it followed by a scowling bedraggled Christian who roared.

"Who died that you're ringing like that?"

"Deniz is coming." Gregor enunciated softly but clearly as he entered the apartment.

Instantly the lethargic couple was wide awake.

"What? He's coming today?" Christian asked in utter disbelief.

"Yeah his train arrives at seven."

"Oh! The poor thing he must be so terribly home sick." Olli observed sadly.

"No, he's coming exclusively for your sister's wedding. Or so he said. I think he just wants a glimpse of Roman."

"Okay, we'll get dressed and accompany." Christian finally said.

* * *

"Hey buddy."

"Hi Gregor. Thanks for coming."

"No problem kiddo. Is that all you've brought?" Gregor asked looking at the garment bag, with a tux inside, Deniz was carrying.

"Yah I'll be taking the evening train back."

"You're not even staying the night."

"No, it's better this way. Otherwise I'll be tempted to visit everyone."

Gregor thought it better not to comment and silently led the way back to his car.

"Hey what are you guys doing here?" Deniz asked seeing Christian and Olli waiting by the car.

"We didn't want Gregor to get lost." Christian joked

"Or fall asleep at the wheel" Olli added eliciting a small smile from Deniz.

"How's Cologne?" Gregor enquired as they headed back to No Limits.

"It's fine."

"Made any friends." He quizzed gently

"No! I have no friends." Deniz said vehemently. "I hate all of them!"

"Why?" Olli asked completely baffled by the boy's snarled response

"I hate being back in the closet. I hate lying." he said and winced thinking about what had caused him to leave Essen in the first place.

They traveled in silence for the next few minutes all the three older men exchanging secret glances wondering how to broach _that_ particular topic. Before they could think of an appropriate conversation opening, Deniz himself enquired in a hoarse voice

"Have you seen _him_ lately?"

"I'm afraid not. He's stopped coming to No Limits altogether after your encounter." Gregor answered looking at Deniz's pale face in the rear view mirror.

"Was it worth it?" Deniz asked staring intently at the passing scenery outside the car window.

"Yes, it has been worth it. Mike told Christian that he has never seen Roman so committed to his skating before." Olli supplied gently patting Deniz's knee.

"He's been training like a maniac. He has proclaimed to Mike that this time it'll be gold and only gold all the way. You really hit a raw nerve." Christian added turning around and looking at Deniz.

"Well Thank God for small mercies." Deniz choked out feeling completely heart sick.

Olli heard the muffled sob and pulled the boy into his embrace, his heart aching for Deniz.

* * *

Deniz entered the church and stood at the back. He watched the proceedings in silence.

He slowly sidled along the wall hoping to catch a glimpse of that one particular individual. He was finally able to see the dark blond head.

Roman felt like he was being watched and surveyed the guests in the pews. His eye caught a sudden movement of someone ducking behind one of the pillars.

The reception was in full swing the booze flowed.

Deniz discretely followed Roman's every movement.

Roman knew Deniz was somewhere in the milling crowd as he had caught a glimpse of the boy during the dances. His eyes swept the banquet hall and he saw Deniz hide behind a drape.

"At least he has the decency to hide from me." Roman thought bitterly but he couldn't help but observe, "He sure looks hot in a Tux."


	32. Chapter 32-A FUTURE BECKONS

5 JANUARY 2007 - Cologne

As the medals were handed out Roman thought he saw a tall figure in a leaf green hoodie, with a very familiar skull cross bones emblazoned across the back, exiting the stadium. But then he rebuked himself for this wishful thought. As if that twink ever gave him a second thought.

Deniz briskly walked out of the stadium and continued down the street head lowered blinking back tears of joyous pride. He ducked into the first quiet alley he passed; he slid down the wall of the building until he was crouching. he buried his face in his knees and sobbed. Then he calmed himself thinking at least all this pain had been worth it. Roman was back in top form and had just won the gold at the Deutschland Championship. There was no stopping him now.

24 JANUARY 2007 - Gothenburg, Sweden

Roman held up his gold medal and smirked into the cameras as they flashed

"Eat your heart out Deniz Ozturk" he thought caustically, "sure you wish you were with me in the 'limelight' now, now that I'm a winner."

"So Roman you must be thrilled you have your World Championship gold medal."

"Not yet. Calgary here I come." He yelled gleefully into the camera.

25 JANUARY 2007 - Cologne

Deniz picked up the morning paper and his heart sang.

"CALGARY HERE I COME" was emblazoned above a full page picture of Roman showing off his World Championship gold medal. He had a mischievous smile on his face the same one he would give Deniz before he would sprint ahead turning their morning jog into a race.


	33. Chapter 33-BUT THE PAST ISN'T BURIED

Diary Entry

19th March 2007

I turned 19 today everyone called and wished me. I heard every voice except the one I wish I could hear just once more. He doesn't even know I'm no longer in Essen. And even if he did there's no chance in hell he would call this heartless cheater.

I picked up a copy of this month's OUT magazine today. Roman is their cover story. He looks good. It's as if the God's are mocking me. In the picture accompanying his interview he has on the very same slacks and purple pullover he wore when he took me to dinner on my 18th birthday.

I miss him so much.

I wish I could just turn back time and say no to Mike's horrid plan.

But if I hadn't gone through with it Roman would never have achieved all that he has in the last six months.

I guess the cherry on top is he's now the German face of the American gay clothing brand Male Function. His face is now plastered everywhere I look.

But the best news is he's headed to the Winter Olympics.

Anyway enough of this, finals are just a few weeks away I have to focus now and forget everything else.

I have to maintain my 4.6 grade point average if I want to enter the Cologne University.

But every time I pick up my books all I remember is him helping me prepare for my finals last year.

It hurts but like Roman told me after his attack 'what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.'

Oh God will my heart ever stop hurting.

Deniz listened to the hourly chime of the cuckoo clock hanging in the warden's office. It echoed thru the corridor into his room as he lay in bed after lights out. It was 10 o'clock. A year back around this time he had been in No Limits dancing with Roman and they had kissed for the first time; actually Roman had kissed him. Roman...Roman...Roman. The name echoed through his head and heart_. _

_"So you haven't answered me yet will you seriously be my boyfriend?"_

_Roman smiled, moving away he gently cupped the boy's chin and tilted his face up so he was looking into the shy hazel eyes. _

_Seeing the apprehension on the sweet face said "Yes. I'm your boyfriend." _

_Seeing the look of utter joy on the brunette's face he placed another gentle kiss on the plump pink lips._

That kiss those wonderful lips. He buried his head under his pillow desperately trying to block out the memories. But ended up feeling worse when his face nuzzled into the scarf lying hidden there. He rubbed his face in it and wondered if Roman had even given him a second thought after he had walked out of that bedroom. He was sure the skater definitely hadn't. But Deniz just couldn't forget, things had gotten worse for him as with all the endorsement deals Roman had signed. He smiled back at Deniz from any and every magazine or newspaper he picked up. Billboards with him were strategically placed at almost all the places Deniz passed as if rubbing it in that he had lost Roman.

_Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time  
Here comes the start of every sleepless night  
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry  
Here comes the pain, Here comes me wishing things had never changed  
And he(she) was right here in my arms tonight, but here comes goodbye_

_I can hear him (her) say I Love You like it was yesterday  
And I can see it written on his (her) face that he (she) had never felt this way  
One day I thought I'd see him (her) with his sister (her daddy) by his (her) side  
And violins would play Here Comes The Groom (bride) _

_- Rascal Flatts_

* * *

Roman entered his apartment. Banging the door shut he hung up his keys. Dropping his gym bag on to the couch he headed to the fridge to take out a bottle of beer.

He stretched out on the couch and leisurely drank it as he switched on his TV.

The TV blared but he wasn't interested in what was going on. He just needed some pointless noise to fill up the deafening silence of his empty home and desolate heart.

He was dozing off when his stupor was broken into by the jarring opening bars of the late night news bulletin.

"This is the RTL network and time now for the 11 o'clock news with Mascha Rann and Anja Becker."

It was 11 already? His eyes fell on the desk calendar standing beside the TV it was 11 o'clock at night on the 19th of March.

His mind flew back a year to another cool late winter night.

He was sitting on a bench with someone he had thought he had seen his future in. Deniz.

Someone who had made him truly believe in the concept of forever. Deniz.

Someone who had then nonchalantly ripped his heart out and crushed it under his size 12 hockey boot. Deniz.

That bloody name. Deniz...Deniz...Deniz. Constantly buzzed in his head. It just refused to be drowned out.

He flung away the beer bottle he had been clutching in his hand and watched it shatter as it hit the wall.

Getting up he pulled out a bottle of vodka from the wine bureau. Throwing himself down on the couch he started to drink the burning liquid straight from the bottle. He proceeded to get piss drunk as the two newsreaders on television informed him of the terrorist attack on an embassy somewhere in the Middle East or Asia and a tsunami that wiped out 8 cities along the coastline of South America. Between gulps he cruelly wished Deniz had been in that embassy or in one of those cities.

_I hope the ring you give (gave) to him (her) turns his (her) finger green  
I hope when you're in bed with him (her), you think of me  
I would never wish bad things, but I don't wish you well  
Could you tell..._

_Does it hurt to know I'll never be there  
Bet it sucks, to see my face everywhere  
It was you, who chose to end it like you did  
I was the last to know_

_If he(she) really knows the truth, he (she) deserves you  
A trophy husband(wife), oh how cute _

_- Kelly Clarkson_


	34. Chapter 34-THE FUTURE IS HERE

Author's Chapter Notes:

Another accomplishment

A Loss

A Victory

Diary entry

5th July 2007

Today I have become a college student.

Bye bye school. Bye bye hiding.

Thankfully none of those stuck up gay bashing idiots from that stupid school have joined my college.

At least none that I had to forcibly hangout with just so that I was accepted on the school hockey team. There are a couple of the girls who had made passes at me. But they are in the other deparments so I didn't run into them and hopefully won't.

The assistant coach who recruited me said that choosing me was the easiest decision. He says I really have potential. I had been so scared that I wouldn't get in anywhere. Well, now all that is left to do is choose my papers after orientation tomorrow. Let's see what catches my fancy.

* * *

Diary entry

12th October 2007 

I've still not been on the ice during games. But I'm just a freshman so that's self explanatory. The seniors would definitely get the maximum ice time as the pro recruiters are at every one of our games. So I have to be satisfied with just practicing for now.

Yesterday was Roman's birthday I called it was good to hear his voice. If only on his answering machine. I called his number thrice just to hear that message. I'm so pathetic.

* * *

30 DECEMBER 2007 - Cologne

The young man stared at the TV screen fingers crossed as he watched the skater go through the complicated maneuvers of his routine. As the closing bars of Danse Macabre played the skater performed a Russian split then a perfect triple went into a dizzy pirouette and came to a gracefully halt after a lunge as the music stopped. The crowds cheered as he took his bows and skated off towards the wings roses raining down on him. The tears slowly slithered down the brunette's face. Letting out a soft sigh he uncrossed his finger and waited for the points.

Except for 1 judge all others had given the performance a perfect score. The crowds went wild.

Alone in the room Deniz cheered as well; watching his hero, the man he loved with his entire heart stand at the top of the podium and receive his heart's desire. His very own OLYMPIC GOLD MEDAL.

Maybe he would now be able to go back to Essen and beg Roman for forgiveness. Yes, he could go home now. Go back to Roman. For the first time in more than a year his heart didn't feel like it was being crushed in his chest. He felt happy. He would go back to Roman. Things would be alright again.

But his happiness didn't last. The next morning brought with it the morning newspaper.

The newspaper which carried a picture of Roman on the front page.

A picture of a celebrating Roman.

A celebrating Roman as he stood kissing his new boyfriend Jorg something the caption said.

Roman had moved on. Roman had forgotten him. He had lost Roman.

* * *

Roman looked at the picture. He seethed. He wondered why the damn photographer hadn't continued clicking when he had punched out that stupid swimmer who had assaulted him. But his spirits lifted and he felt a sadist pleasure when the image of a very jealous Deniz came into his mind. Roman couldn't have planned a better revenge on that twit.

**Chapter End Notes:**

_Danse Macabre by Saint-Saens is my favourite piece of music. SO though are was a wide variety of choice of music from Show I decided to go with this instead as I could see Roman in his current mind set performing on it._

_If you want to listen here is a link_

_ watch?v=-LupmmElMoI_


	35. Chapter 35-DAWN OF TRUTH 1

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**ESSEN DAILY**

Thursday 15 May 2008

Business magnate Sebastian Wild passed away last night after suffering a massive heart attack. Mr. Wild who was 57 years old was the owner proprietor of Wild Sports Center which has churned out top sports stars in the last 2 decades including his own son Olympic Gold Medalist Roman Wild. Funeral Services will be held at the Center between 10am - 12pm.

25 MAY 2008

Roman was nervous. After 25 years on ice he had to give it up. Well at least he was quitting while he was at the head of his game. He had reached the pinnacle of his career.

He wondered if he would have reached here if it hadn't been for that one particular boy who had put the fire under him, to prove that he wasn't a has been. He wondered if Deniz remembered him. He wondered where the hell the boy had gone. It was like he had vanished into thin air.

"Enough of these stupid thoughts I have a press conference to get to." He smoothed his tie, patted his hair once more and headed out the door.

* * *

18 AUGUST 2008

Roman couldn't believe what he was watching.

Yes, He could definitely believe that All Europe Middle Weight Boxing Champion Christian Mann easily won the World Boxing Championship

But it was the next part Roman was having a little difficulty digesting. After being declared the winner he was **kissing** Olli Sabel.

A flurry of thanks were shouted out by him to his friends, to his brother and to his promoter Roman himself. Then came the proclamation. "... and thanks especially to my greatest love Olli without who I wouldn't be standing here today. As a winner! He was the one who gave me the strength even though it was probably the hardest on him because we've had to keep our relationship a secret for so long. I'm Gay Okay and I'm a Boxer. Anyone have a problem with that?" The stadium crowd just cheered and a unified 'NO' rang out.

Schwarz burst into Roman's chamber the next second and started apologizing.

"Sir! I swear to you no one had any idea. Oh God! the nerve of that asshole blind-siding us like this. I'll deal with this personally. I'll draw up the contract termination paper right this minute. Oh we'll make him pay for this..." and he went on spewing.

Roman silently let Schwarz blather on. Once the man was done cursing and blabbering Roman finally questioned calmly,

"Dr Schwarz who do you see sitting in this chair?"

"What Sir? What do you mean?" Schwarz owlishly blinked at him completely caught off guard by the question.

"Schwarz do you see Sebastian Wild sitting here?" he snapped

"No, of course not. You're sitting."

"Who am I?" he asked with a sweet smile as if addressing a pre-schooler.

"You're Roman Wild Olympic Gold Medalist Of course" Schwarz answered his sycophantic streak coming to the fore front.

"And haven't you forgotten one teeny-tiny little detail about 'Roman Wild' Dr Schwarz." He questioned the man sarcastically.

"I don't understand what you're getting at Mr. Wild" Schwarz said completely confused by the line of questioning.

"I'm GAY as well aren't I?" Roman declared fuming.

Schwarz visibly gulped.

"So wouldn't you say it would be EXTREMELY hypocritical on my part to terminate Mr. Mann's contract because he is gay. Not to mention it would also be a very bad business decision as he has just won the World Championships."

"You're right Sir." Schwarz choked out squirming like a hooked worm.

"So Dr Schwarz why don't you go back to chasing the girls in the secretarial pool or the gym bunnies who are training, which ever catches your fancy today, and stop worrying your pretty little head with this issue. Okay."

"Okay Sir." Schwarz said bowed and quickly scurried out of Roman's chamber.

Left alone with his thoughts Roman couldn't help giving a satisfied smile. Deniz had been dumped for a boxer. An older man. This was something new. He had heard of lovers being left for younger meat but this was the first time that a younger lover had been left for an older one. He laughed.

But he felt bad for Christian of all the men that he could have fallen for in Essen, in the world, he had to go and fall for that Oliver Sabel. Anyway he hoped that it would last between them at least for Christian's sake. Christian looked so happy as he had come out.

"Poor poor poor Deniz." Roman snickered in delight.

* * *

22 AUGUST 2008

"Mr. Mann our viewer would like to know how long have you two been together?" the interviewer asked.

"Okay let's see, you moved in with Lars and me in November 2005." Christian said thoughtfully looking at Olli.

"Then a lot happened." Olli supplied.

"Yup, a damn lot..." Christian agreed rolling his eyes.

"...Until we officially became a couple in April of the next year." Olli completed.

"So... we've been together for now 2 yrs and fours months. Correct" The boxer said sending a questioning glance to his companion.

"And 18 days." Olli added.

The interviewer turning to Olli directed the next question to him. "So Mr. Sabel what was the hardest thing about hiding your relationship."

"Well I guess it was not being able to hug or kiss or for that matter even touch him in public." Olli said shyly.

"Well we don't have to worry about that anymore." Christian announced and grabbing Olli gave him a loud smacking kiss. Olli blushed caught off guard by Christian sudden show of affection.

"Is it getting hot in here or what?" The interviewer teased the couple fanning herself.

Roman sat glued to the television as he watched the interview.

Christian and Olli had been a couple for the past almost two and a half years. So had that whole cheating thing been a ploy. Had Deniz done that on purpose, so that Roman would go back to skating?

Yah! Right! Like Deniz was the female lead of some soap opera that had to make this huge sacrifice for the man she loved so that the hot but dumb male lead would see the light.

There was a simple logical explanation and it was - the green eyed slut already had his claws in Christian while he was doing the bedroom tango with Deniz. Well having a closeted boyfriend was tough but cheating was something Roman just couldn't condone. He still considered the Mann brothers his friends. And nobody absolutely nobody hurt his friends. Christian deserved to know the truth; he needed to be acquainted with the true colors of his 'Greatest Love Olli'.

**Chapter End Notes:**

_I think i just turned Roman a little psychotic._


	36. Chapter 36-DAWN OF TRUTH 2

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

_Respected_

_Mr. Gregor Mann, Mr. Christian Mann_

_And_

_Mr. Oliver Sable_

_I need to have a business discussion with all three of you._

_Meet me in my chambers at the Center on 25th August._

_Exactly at 8 PM._

_I hate tardiness so please don't be late._

_Thanking You_

_(Scribbled signature)_

_Roman Wild_

"Welcome back!" Gregor greeted his brother as the champion boxer entered the flat share followed closely by Olli.

"So do I even need to ask?" Gregor grinned

"Oh God! What. ." Christian sighed in satisfaction as he draped himself over the blue couch Olli snuggling beside him.

"It feels so great. Finally being able to be honest about myself. What a rush." He turned to Olli and kissed the smiling cherry lips. Gregor watched the blissful pair and he felt elated by the couple's utter happiness.

"Bring out the costliest champagne we have. We'll celebrate tonight. All drinks will be on the house." Christian proclaimed giving his brother his widest grin.

"Not so fast little brother. Something came up."

He came back into flat-share holding an envelope bearing the Wild emblem.

Gregor pulled out a stiff triple embossed paper from the envelope. He re-read the clearly printed message on it and passed it to his brother. Gregor left the couple alone to read Roman's order and headed down to the bar to help Miriam.

Olli read the words and was completely confused by the cryptic message.

'Business discussion' with them.

"What the hell is this about?" Olli asked baffled.

Christian looked at him and said with a sad smile, "Can't you guess. It's obvious isn't it? He knew we'd be back home today."

"What? What has our coming home got to do with anything?" Olli was now confused by Christian's obscure statements.

"Olli!" Christian rolled his eyes, thumping his chest the blond man said "Me. Gay-Boxer. Roman-Promoter." He finished pointing in the general direction of the window towards the street.

"Huh! Christian why are talking like Tarzan. Speak in full sentences please."

Christian looked at his gorgeous partner and wondered why his extremely cute boyfriend was just a little dim witted.

He blew out a long drawn breath and explained to the angelically alluring face, "He wants to meet us to terminate my contract. It's blatantly obvious."

"Why would he do such a thing?" Olli asked frowning at him.

"Because I'm gay."

"Well he's gay too. That's like so hypocritical."

Christian pulled Olli towards himself, kissing the raven head he explained "My dearest love Roman is first and foremost a business man. He is concerned with profits and loss statements. I wouldn't be an asset to the center. Who would want to fight a Gay Boxer? I would pull in nothing but bad publicity. So he has to cut his losses and do the needful. Which in this case would be to fire me."

"That's just wrong." Olli huffed.

Placing his forefinger under Olli's chin he gently tilted up the older man's face so he could look directly into the sad and dimming green eyes. "Olli life isn't fair. We have to take what we get."

"You'd be giving up your dream. All because of me."

"Olli I've told you a hundred times our relationship and you are more important to me than anything ... everything else."

"But you've worked so hard to get where you are now. It will all be for nothing."

"Not completely I have all my medals and trophies to remind me that I had given it my best try."

Olli caressed his face and placed a deep kiss on his mouth.

"So what will you do after...?" Olli asked hugging his soon to be jobless boyfriend.

"I don't know. I think I'd like working for you. Having a sexy bartender is always good for business. Maybe I could even do exotic dances at bacholerette parties we host. You do say I'm totally awesome at stripping."

Olli wasn't amused and started to pull away.

"Go ahead. Joke about serious stuff. See if I care?"

Christian pulled him back into his arms and held on tightly as Olli squirmed

"Olli! Can we please think about it after we've met Roman. It could be about something completely unrelated to boxing."

Olli's brain whirred, he stilled and stared at Christian

"Do you think he saw the interview and ..."

"Could be..."

"I hope it is ... finally ... Deniz can come back home." Olli whispered with hope. They sat together hugging, hoping and praying for their young friend.

* * *

"Welcome, it's great to see all of you after such a long time. Especially you Olli."

"Me? Why me?" Olli had an inkling but decided to play dumb

"Come on you know exactly why. We'll go into details later"

"So Olli I must ask. Christian must be something extraordinary in bed."

Olli blushed and started to answer but Roman interrupted him "or is it just the money?"

"What?"

"Or is it both?" Roman asked cocking an eyebrow and giving a cruel smirk.

Olli was feeling very uncomfortable.

Roman got up from his chair and walked around the desk. He came to stand right behind Olli's chair. Caressing down the club owner's arms he lifted them both up so he could examine the hands, "Look at that. Tsk,tsk,tsk ... more than two years together and not even a promise ring on the finger." He dropped both of Olli's hands.

All the three guests goggled at Roman and were flabbergasted dumb by his very odd behaviour.

Gregor was the first to find his voice and he called out Roman on it.

"Roman stop beating round the bush. Just spit out whatever you want to say."

Roman went on as if Gregor was invisible. He kept staring at Olli until he had resumed his place behind his desk.

He rested his elbows on the arms rests of his chair and steepling his fingers now asked, "So how many were there, besides Deniz, who **helped** you get over the **pain** of having a closeted boyfriend."

Olli sighed in relief

*Oh! So Roman thought he was informing Christian about what a cheating slut his boyfriend was.*

He flung himself on Christian and said theatrically, "Oh Christian! My love! My life! My everything! Please forgive me. I cheated on you. I cheated on you with Deniz ..."

He stopped for a beat looking at Christian with an over the top pleading expression, then continued enthusiastically in a rush as he counted off on his fingers , "and Gregor and Fabian and Constantin and Judith and Sebastian and of course Lydia not to forget Tom and Ulli. And oh yah! I had a threesome with Andi and Helena. Hmmm ten people." He said holding up both his hands fingers spread to indicate the number "Not bad wouldn't you say." He fluttered his eyelashes, Christian snickered and gave him a kiss.

The Mann brothers burst out laughing and Olli joined in their merriment, while Roman just stared at the three wondering if they had all collectively lost their minds.

Gregor was the first to sober up.

"I think it's time we told him the whole sordid truth."

"What sordid truth?" Roman enquired frowning his heart on the verge of palpitating

Things slowly started to add up; his life really was a soap opera thanks to Deniz.

"Wait a minute. Please don't tell me."

Roman wanted to hit something. He wanted to strangle Deniz.

"I don't wanna hear it. How could I be so stupid. With his sense of loyalty he would have done anything for me. Then what I saw that evening was all..."

"A pile of horseshit." Christian blandly completed for him.

"How could you do this to me? And to him?" Roman yelled at them making all three men wince.

"We did it for your own good." Gregor said slowly trying to sooth his friend's anger.

"For my own good? What the fuck are you talking about?" Roman yelled

"It was the catalyst that made you the Olympic Gold Medalist." Gregor pointed out.

"Okay! Alright! I get it." His anger slowly losing its grip on him.

"Just tell me whose brilliant idea was this?"

"Mike's" Christian and Olli chorused.

"I should have known. Mike had a problem with Deniz from day one. What did Mike exactly tell him?" Roman questioned eyes narrowed.

"That if you didn't get a medal in the Olympics your father would cut you off without a penny." Gregor answered.

"And Deniz believed it." Roman was stunned.

" Uh ... Huh. So did we." The older Mann informed.

"Oh God. So he wanted to make sure I wasn't left penniless and destitute." Then he said through gnashed teeth "I'm going to snap Mike's scrawny neck."

"But it's the truth isn't it. Your father would have cut you off definitely if you hadn't made it." Christian queried.

"He couldn't touch a damn cent. My grandfather left me controlling shares of everything when I came out and my asshole of a father was trying to disown me. My father was nothing more than a guardian of my property till the day he died. Anything and everything to do with this place I've had the final say in it since I turned 21. That foolish noble boy."

He took in a calming breath before asking, "Where the hell is he anyway? He's no longer in Essen is he?"

Gregor shook his head. "No, he left Essen the very next day."

"So where has he been these last couple of years?"

"Cologne."

"Cologne? What's he doing there of all places?"

"Attending College."

Roman took in a deep breath and then enquired.

"How is he?"

"Fine uptil now. He's been getting threats. They want him off the team."

"It's time he came home. He belongs here."

"He's already in his second year of college. Moving him now wouldn't be such a good idea."

TBC


	37. Chapter 37-A LITTLE GLUE

Chapter 37 - A Little Glue

It had been almost 2 years since he had even been on this street.

Taking a deep breath he pulled opened the opaque glass doors and entered the restaurant. It was the same, time seemed to have stood still, nothing had changed. And as usual dressed in his signature color stood Marian busily handing out the orders.

As he approached the bar Marian looked up and blinked quickly a few times unable to believe his eyes

"Roman! You? Here?" he asked flabbergasted at his sudden appearance.

"You know Marian I always thought you were a smart man. So I was a little shocked ... Okay I got a big shock when I came to know you supported Deniz."

"Supported Deniz?" the pub owner asked with a puzzled frown.

"In that scheme that Mike cooked up."

"Well I wasn't completely in favor of it. But you know exactly how stubborn Deniz can be."

"No! I didn't. I can't imagine he did this and never looked back."

"Oh! he looks back every single day, to what you both had. Every time he sees a picture of you with your new boy toy it breaks his heart. He is an Ozturk. We fall in love only once and it's forever for us. Do you know how long it has been since he's been in Essen? Two years. I visit him in Cologne. He refuses to come home. He even spends his vacations there interning at some or the other sports center or physiotherapy clinic."

"So he's studying physiotherapy?" Roman was awed.

"Yah, that's the only good thing if any that has come out of this whole mess." Marian said with a sad smile.

"He's intelligent he can handle it I'm sure." Roman declared.

"His intelligence has nothing to do with it. He selected to study it because it has the heaviest course load." Marian informed him

"How did you come to know?"

"Christian's public declaration put me on the right track."

"Oh! so then you quickly put two and two together."

"Something... like... that." Roman said but averted his gaze.

"Well now that you know everything can I call him back home?"

"No, not right now. Don't distract him. Let him complete what he has started in Cologne. When the time is right I'll myself bring him back home."


	38. Chapter 38-A LITTLE HELP

Author's Chapter Notes:

_I'll get by with a little help from my friends_

_- __**The Beatles**__._

CHAPTER 38 - A Little Help

Dean Augustus Eberhardt let out an exasperated breath as he looked at the College supervisor.

"Special treatment! To a second year under grad student. Are they mad?" He exclaimed thumping his desk.

"Sir, the kid's benefactor knows people in extremely high places. And the funding he promised is enough to refurbish not only the gyms, it'll help us restock the library and update the lab equipment." Eberhardt seemed to settle down a bit; his anger slowly diffusing after listening to this logical explanation.

Seeing that he had been able to smooth his boss's ruffled feathers Koertig then continued sympathetically

"Anyway Sir, we just have to find the kid a safe place of residence and provide on campus housing to his bodyguard. The rest is completely their responsibility."

* * *

A large hand grabbed him by the collar and he found himself staring into icy grey eyes.

"You really think attacking a Von Lahnstein is a good idea twerp? I guess you love suicide missions," the hulking man hissed. The masked figure shook his head violently in fear.

"Then buzz off and don't come near him ever again", the large figure in black attire warned, "Unless you want to die lying in a dumpster somewhere." he threatened and finally let him go.

The terrified masked man ran off as if the devil was on his tail. The black attired figure again merged into the darkness.

* * *

Diary Entry

9 September 2008 

I'm now the center forward for the University Team. Many players wanted me scratched because of my sexual orientation.

There have been threats but as yet none have followed through.

I'm living with the new assistant coach as the university fears for my life; but mostly because they want the Inter-Collegiate Cup and I am one of the few who can make it happen.

Anyway life goes on.

I read that Roman's father passed away a couple of months ago. So Roman has retired from skating and taken over the reins now.

I still miss him so much. Will this pain ever go away?

Oh and Christian came out on international television the guy has balls of steel!

Well gotta head out to practise. Hockey is the only thing keeping me from going insane.

Diary Entry

11th October 2008

Its Roman's birthday today. I called his number just to hear his voice. His number has changed.

Well I guess a business man wouldn't live in an apartment.

Diary Entry

2nd November 2008

I am suddenly getting a lot of ice time. Not to mention special treatment.

What the heck is going on?

The two players who used to ridicule me and bully me have just taken a transfer to other colleges.

I feel like I'm in some alternate reality. The dean is suddenly taking a lot of interest in my well being and progress. And the new assistant coach I'm living with. It's like I'm under constant surveillance he's always there. Not in a creepy stalkerish way, more like a dad or big brother way. He keeps on popping up everywhere.

Or maybe I'm just being paranoid. I don't know. He's pretty harmless. The guy is single, hot, with the most beautiful grey eyes. But he prefers staying in on weekend nights. If I didn't know any better (namely his hetero porn collection. Okay so I snooped. Sue me) I'd have thought he was gay. And I think he is heartbroken. Well welcome to my world buddy.

* * *

"Mr. Marish I don't mean to pry but why don't you date? You have women falling over you left, right and center."

"I've taken a vow of celibacy."

"Celibacy! Are you planning to join the church?"

"No! I've just gone off women for a while."

"For how long?"

"Until I make coach."

"That could be a long time you know."

"Maybe. But as of now my career is my priority. Now enough chatter don't you have a test tomorrow."

* * *

Diary Entry

12th November 2008

I don't miss dad so much anymore.

Don't get me wrong I still want to go home.

But I don't miss having a home cooked meal anymore. It's all thanks to Mr. Marish he is a fantastic cook. It's nice to have hot food on the table when I come home. When we're alone I call him by his first name. It's nice to have a friend again. He doesn't judge me. I even told him about Roman and he told me about Lena the girl who broke his heart. She had wanted a big rich sportsman so had pushed him into ice hockey and into going pro he had done everything she wanted but one knee injury and both his hockey career and his girlfriend disappeared.

Isn't that exactly what I had done to Roman?

Anyway we were talking about my new friend. He told me he always wanted to have his own restaurant. Cooking is his passion. So though he tells everyone that he wants to become a big coach some day; he has been squirreling away money for the past some years to set up a small restaurant somewhere. I think I'll ask dad if he is looking for a business partner. No.7 could go multi cuisine that would surely increase our customer base.


	39. Chapter 39-LOYALTY,LUV N A LITTLE ADVICE

**Chapter 39 -Loyalty, Love and A Little Advice.**

"Marc! Will you just leave me the fuck alone!" Deniz was having a tough time controlling his temper.

"Come on. Its Friday you've gotta get out man. Have some fun." His classmate whined

"I have so much studies that I can't even think about having fun." The hockey player informed curtly

"Oh! a couple of hours of dancing is not gonna hurt your grades drastically. Please come for my sake. Bitte, bitte, bitte." The other boy begged pathetically

"Marc I know exactly what you want and I'm not gonna give in to you under any circumstances." Deniz hissed

"What? you got someone else? Better than me?" the boy asked in an annoyed tone

"Oh! He's way better and hotter than you." Deniz said proudly

"So where is this Prince charming of yours?"

"In Essen."

Slowly running his hand down Deniz's arm he said "He there, you're here. What he doesn't know won't hurt him. No strings attached man."

"But I'll know and I'm not in favor of cheating. And I definitely don't do friends with benefits " Deniz said as he pushed away the annoyance's hand.

"SO ...Just Leave. Me. ALONE." Deniz growled the other man winced at the violence in the voice and quickly left.

Neither of the students noticed their observer.

* * *

"How is he?"

"Healthy, happy; studying like a bookworm, training like a maniac. But you're never far from his thoughts. Your name comes up almost everyday."

"I miss him too. I hate waiting." Roman said sadly

"Then why don't you just come and meet him?" the other man asked.

"I don't want to distract him."

"His loyalty to you is a bit unnerving sometimes."

"So he's not dating."

"He doesn't even socialize much, except with the team. Not that there is a dearth of people trying to get into his pants."

"He isn't even tempted." Roman asked incredulously

"Nope. says 'Roman is single so maybe I still have a chance.' He's steadfast on his emotions to you. I never thought I'd be jealous."

"He is special. Isn't he?" roman said dreamily.

"You're damn lucky."

"I know." Roman said pride in his voice.

"Has there been any trouble?" Roman couldn't help but ask.

"Nothing I can't handle." Came the matter of fact professional answer.

* * *

14 JANUARY 2009

I saw Roman today.

I saw Roman today.

He came to watch the championship match. I almost missed making a goal I was so stunned.

Anyway, later after the game I came to know that he was just going to some random games to decide along with the Center recruiting agents which players are worth offering contracts to.

I had hoped he had come to see me. No chance of that happening.

If the gossip rags are to be believed he even has a new boyfriend now; some bald ballet dancer. Yuck.

This is his third boyfriend after me. Why is it so difficult for **me** to move on? Damn that man. Damn him to hell.

* * *

"Bunny?"

"Hmmm..?"

"You know we are friends first family later, aren't we?"

"Yes, we are Annette."

"So shall I give you some advice."

"If I say 'no' will it stop you from giving it anyway."

"Nope."

"So go ahead."

"Bunny you should just go and get this over with."

"Get what over with?" Roman asked deliberately playing dumb

"This whole having your face plastered in glossies with a new man every few weeks."

"Why? It's fun."

"Do you think Deniz likes it?"

The azure eyes looked guiltily at Annette.

"You love him. You know he loves you. So why don't you just put both of you out of this misery and just go and tell him you know everything."

"He's doing well in Cologne if I go now I'll only distract him. He did it for me. I should extend him the same courtesy and not mess up his chances."

"Bunny, at least then stop getting yourself photographed with every himbo you meet."

"I'll try but the media has a mind of it's own."


	40. Chapter 40-THE UPS N DOWNS OF LIFE

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

_OH SO CLICHED!_

**Chapter 40 - The Ups and Downs of Life ... And the Surprises along the way.**

29 JANUARY 2009

Deniz looked at the tiny blond girl trying desperately to reach a book on the top shelf. As he passed her by he plucked it off the shelf and handed it to her.

"Thanks!" she said shyly smiling up at him.

"No problem, Goldilocks" He said smiling down into her cherubic face.

The girl giggled as she extended her hand "I'm Diana Sommer."

"Nice to make your acquaintance Diana. I'm Deniz Ozturk."

"Wait a sec! We have anatomy together don't we?"

"Yah! I guess we do, when I make it to class that is." Deniz answered sheepishly

"You're the gay center forward."

"Guilty as charged." Deniz answered holding up his hands.

"What grade did you get in the mid terms in anatomy?" Deniz enquired a curious frown on his face.

"An A+." Diana answered hesistantly.

"And your grade point avg is...?"

"I have a 4.7"

"Cool! Will you tutor please. Desperately need it."

"Okay! But they'll cost ya."

"Huh! Sorry I'm kinda short on cash."

"No, not cash. In exchange you have to teach me to ice skate."

"No, probs babe." The hockey player said preening, "you've come to the right place." He finished and gently pinched her cheek.

Diana laughed at the boy's flirtatious behaviour.

"He's finally making friends now."

"That's good to hear."

"Actually, he has made one friend in particular that he's spending almost all his time with nowadays."

"Should I be worried?"

"Nah! no worries. It's a girl. They are classmates so they study together mostly. Sweet kid."

"Hey! I sent you to work there. Not ogle chicks."

"Roman. She's old enough to be my daughter."

"Oh! God I hate this. I hate my body." Deniz groused and then whimpered for effect.

"Now, Now Deniz . Calm down it's a list of words. And everyone has these." The blond girl soothed

"But isn't 'Gastro' supposed to indicate everything and anything dealing with the stomach and the digestive system."

"Most of the time it does." Diana agreed

"Then can you please tell me, why do we have a muscle in our **leg** that's called 'Gastrochemius'.Mind enlightening me on that."

"Welll to be completely honest I have absolutely no ideas about the 'why?' but I have the answer to 'where'. Gastrochemius muscle is located on the calf ;it's located at the back of our calf to be exact. Now can we please learn about the other hundred muscles that we have. We do have a pop quiz tomorrow if you haven't forgotten."

"No, I haven't. Can I have some coffee."

"Sure."

"Black. With Lotsa a sugar if you don't mind."

"Coming right up." Diana smiled.

Deniz followed her into her kitchen anyway.

"What else?" she asked pursing her lips.

"A snack would be nice." Deniz said giving her a crooked smile.

"There's the phone." she said pointing at the table beside the fridge, "and the menus are in the phone book order whatever your heart desires and pay for it."

"Thanks." Deniz happily bounded off to call for food.

* * *

6 FEBRUARY 2009

Deniz was eaten up with curiosity when the bouquet was delivered.

It was three dozen red roses.

All the card said was

"_To Darling Deniz _

_Have a Wonderful Day_

_From Your Fervent Admirer_"

He thought of Roman then pushed away the idea. He had seen only the previous day Roman's face plastered in the society column with his newest conquest. He put the flowers in water and left to meet Diana.

"He got my flowers?"

"Yah, they're standing on his study table."

"Do you think it was wise to send them."

"Frankly I don't know." Heino answered.

"Where is he?"

"At the ice rink with Diana."

"He does spend a lot of time with her doesn't he?" Roman observed with a hiss in his voice which betrayed his jealousy.

"Last I checked Roman the boy is gay. So your jealousy is completely unfounded."

Diary entry

6 February 2009

Something odd happened today. Somebody sent me 3 dozen roses. Red roses. That too on the anniversary of the first time I saw Roman. This is ridiculous. Roman is living it up and I'm still hung up on him. I'm so bloody pathetic. I wish I was straight then I'd just ... but I'm not.

I don't know what to do. How long am I supposed to distract myself with hockey and studies.

I desperately need a break from this mess that is my life.

I will forget him and move on. There is definitely no dearth of choices.

* * *

LATE OCTOBER 2009

"I know I'm asking way too much of you. But I can't think of a better solution."

"But why me? We've known each for hardly a few months."

"There is no one else I can trust. You are my safest bet."

"You can't be serious."

"Oh! I'm as serious as a heart attack."

"B...but..."

"No! No buts. A life is at stake here."

"I know, you don't have to explain the situation."

"Is... is there anyone ...else who'd ...mind."

"No, there is no one,... I wish there was,... but there is no one."

"So you're free and so am I. Clearly there is no problem."

"Aren't you forgetting something else?"

"What?"

"The legal aspects of this."

"They can be cleared up in just a few weeks."

"You really are serious. Aren't you?"

"Yes! Impending death is serious."

"So...how do we go about this...this whole thing?"

"We have to do three things- Get a blood test, register for the license and catch hold of a priest."


	41. Chapter 41-A PILE OF SURPRISES

**Chapter 41 - And The Pile of Surprises Increase.**

Diary Entry

4th November 2009

I'm about to do something.

I wonder if it is the right thing.

How will everyone react?

Who cares?

It's my life.

I'll do exactly whatever the hell I feel like. Period.

* * *

"Heino! Where the hell have you been? I've been trying to getta hold of you for the past two days."

"I'm sorry Roman. I'm so damn sorry. Thing is Deniz had gone missing."

"WHAT?"

"But he's back now. Safe and sound."

"What happened? Where was he? Who was he with?"

"The who is Diana. The where was the other end of Cologne."

"So what happened?"

"But before I tell you what happened Roman please brace yourself for a huge shock."

"Don't tell me he had an accident."

"No, he's in the pink of health."

"So come on enough with the suspense."

"Roman..."

"WHAT? Just spit it out."

"Roman ... Deniz got married."

"That's the shittiest joke I've ever heard Heino and it's not even March."

"It's not a joke. I'm serious. Deniz and Diana got married."

"I don't believe you. I can't believe you."

"Then I guess this should seal the deal. She's 5 months pregnant."

* * *

"Oh Diana! she's beautiful." Deniz gushed gently caressing the blossom pink cheek of the infant with one finger.

"Yah! This sure has been a lucky day for both of us. Hasn't it? You got a contract I got a daughter."

The nurse came in to take little Alana back to the nursery.

But before leaving the matronly lady couldn't help but observe, "Oh just look at her raven black hair she's the spitting image of her Papa. Isn't she?"

Diana heart sang, "Yes, she is. Her Papa **is** the happiest man today. Hopefully I'll be with him soon"

The nurse left giving Deniz a puzzled look he only smiled serenely at her.

"Now if you don't mind I've had a rather tiring day so I'd like to get some shut eyes."

Deniz gave her a chaste peck on her cheek and said, "I'll come again in the morning. Gute Nacht!"


	42. Chapter 42- TOO SHORT A LIFE

**CHAPTER 42 - Too short a life...A Reminisce ... a Hope ... Turning over the Page.**

The jangling of his cell phone broke into his peaceful state.

He jerked awake, clearing his throat he answered it.

"Herr Ozturk, this is the hospital. Your wife's condition has taken a turn for the worst."

"I'll be right there."

He pulled on the first pair of jeans he could find and put on his jacket.

Diana's room was in chaos as medical personnel scurried in and out. After he had arrived he had only been able to catch a glimpse of Diana's still body and bloodied sheets right before he had been pushed out of the room. The nurses had shut the door and the dropped the blinds blocking his view.

He heard a loud 'Clear' and a dull thump, then once more the yell and the thump and again a third time he heard the same two sounds. After almost a whole quiet minute the doctor and the assisting nurses finally emerged.

Diana's obstetrician approached him.

"How is she?" he asked hoarsely.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Was all the lady could whisper.

Deniz let the tears fall.

"What happened?" he finally asked.

"You knew she had a hematological disorder."

"Yes, her body didn't produce hemoglobin as fast as it normally should."

"There was an internal haemorrhage we hadn't detected. She bled out. By the time we were able to catch it. It was too late. I'm so sorry." the lady apologized again with tears in her eyes.

"She knew the risks of the pregnancy." Deniz finally said stoically

"I had warned her not to go through with it so many times." Nadia informed him.

"I know. You had warned us there was a good chance of this happening. But she wanted Alana so badly. Alana was all she had of Julian left with her."

* * *

Diary Entry

26th July 2010

I knew her for only a little over a year. She was the first real best friend I had in a long time. Now she's gone. It hurts but life has to go on. I know she's in a better place now. The precious gift she gave me I can never thank her enough. She got her ardent wish. Dad is completely flabbergasted by the whole situation. But with the contract and everybody's support I'm sure **we'll** make it. The contract is a God sent. I know Roman only saw it as a good business move; that is if he had any thing to do with it personally. Coz hey I'm a good athlete. And being gay the other teams won't touch me with a ten foot pole. I know he must have heard all about what I've been up to through the Essen gossip mill. Anyway, exams are over. I could never thank Heino enough for all his help. Taking care of everything so I could completely concentrate on my studies. Though at times he looked like he would drop from exhaustion, he did it. Dad has decided to take him on as partner so we're both headed to Essen to start the next chapter of our life.

I wonder what Roman will say when we meet again.

Will he wonder if I've suddenly started batting for the other team?

I can only speculate on his reaction.

But hey it's been 4 years.

He should have cooled down by now.

Come on he must know that I never cheated on him.

For the last couple of years Christian and Olli have been a little evasive to tell me what is up with Roman. SO maybe they have told him by now.

I can finally say that I'm happy and satisfied with my life. So even if Roman doesn't want anything to do with me anymore I will be able to bear it. I have to be strong I'm not a child anymore, I'm an adult. An adult with responsibilities. Pining after a lost love will only get in way of what I should do and what is now the right thing, actually the only thing to do.

* * *

"So everything's packed." Christian asked.

"Yup, everything is packed. Finally" Deniz replied letting out a cleansing breath as he straightened after taping shut the last box of items.

"I still don't understand why you two came at all. Heino and I would have managed just fine."

"How can I give up an opportunity to cuddle something so cute?" Olli chirped.

"Christian look out I think Olli is giving blatant hints about something he wants. Which I think starts with the Wedding March."

Christian just humphed and went outside to instruct the movers.

"What was that all about?"

"Nothing, we're just ... having a bit of a ... it's nothing." Olli answered flippantly. Sensing that this was neither the time nor place to broach the subject Deniz instead asked.

"How is Gregor taking to married life?"

"Oh! Like a duck to water. Serena is good for him." Olli informed happily.

"I never would've thought that Mr. I-Only-Do-One-Night-Stands would ever settle down."

"Oh the betting pools are still open." Olli said with a mischievous smirk

They both laughed but knew that their friend had finally found the happiness he deserved.


	43. Chapter 43-ROOTS,BRANCHES N AUTUMN LEAVE

**CHAPTER 43 - Roots, Branches and Autumn leaves**

"Aww She's adorable. No one would guess she isn't yours Deniz." Nina said as she cuddled Alana who was blissfully chewing on her teething ring.

Deniz smiled at his cousin. He couldn't help but feel paternal pride whoever had said only blood connected you to a child was an absolute liar.

He took Alana into his arms as she began to fuss indicating that she was sleepy.

She nuzzled into her father's neck and whimpered, "I know it's time to go beddy bye." Deniz whispered as he rocked her and made his way to his room.

Alana let out a wail as soon as he began to put her into her crib.

"Okay, okay calm down I not leaving you."

He sat down on his bed and leaned back on the pillows with Alana on his chest, her head resting against his heart.

He softly sang random songs to her until she finally dozed off. But as soon as he moved just an inch she whimpered and was up again. This time she let out a guttural wail and started sobbing pathetically.

He held her close and rocked her. Then he suddenly saw her chewing on his shirt collar and the cause of her irritability dawned on him - another erupting tooth. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

With Alana in his arms he attended his 'Welcome Back Home/ Congratulations You Got A Contract' party at No. 7.

After her initial shyness Alana mingled with the crowd and was the belle of the ball. Soon every one had forgotten about Deniz and their total attention was focused on the little cherub he had brought back with him from Cologne.

As everyone cuddled and fawned over Alana, Marian cornered Deniz.

"Who knows that she isn't yours?" he questioned his son

"No one outside the family. Even Heino has no clue that Alana isn't mine."

"Good and I'd like it to remain that way. Understand." Marian warned

"Dad do you really think I would risk losing her. Even though she isn't mine I love her as much as you love me." Deniz answered exasperation in his tone.

Mollified by Deniz's answer Marian observed

"She does have a striking resemblance to you. Not to mention those eyes. They are..."

"Just like yours? I know." Deniz completed.

"So there should be no problems." His father said triumphantly.

"Dad will you please give it a rest. Diana didn't have a family and no one has a clue about her boyfriend's family. So Alana is just mine. Alana is **my** daughter. Even her birth certificate says. Father - Deniz Ozturk." He almost screamed.

"Deniz calm down. Everyone is watching." Marian rebuked his son.

Stella who had kept a ear to their conversation said

"He's been home hardly an hour and they are at each other's throats already." and laughed to distract the crowd.

"Fathers and sons. They can't live with each other neither can they live without each other. Go figure." Lars added to further lighten the situation.

The whole assembly laughed in agreement.

* * *

"You have my number"

"I've had it for the past couple of years Deniz."

"Her teething rings are in the freezer." He instructed his father.

"I put them there myself." Marian answered

"She will need ..."

"...to be changed before I put her to bed. I know that as well." Marian huffed in irritation.

"I took care of you for 18 years I'm pretty sure I can take care of my Grand daughter for a few hours."

"I'm sorry dad." Deniz apologized.

"Welcome to my world Kiddo. That was me and your mom 22 years ago. The opening night of No.7 the first time we both left your side in six months since we brought you home from the hospital. And just to soothe you I'll call you every half an hour with an update. Alright."

"Thanks Dad."

Giving his daughter one final kiss and cuddle Deniz made his way out the door.

Diary entry

28th August 2010

He didn't even give me a second glance.

I'd expected some sign of recognition something hate, anger, disgust.

He just shook my hand gave me a cordial smile and moved on to the next new recruit.

Well that's that. At least I don't have to worry about any kind of awkwardness.

I don't mean anything to him anymore. I'm just another player under contract.

Well that definitely was a relief.

I was damn apprehensive about our first meeting in four years.

So now I can focus on my game and what is really important.

He does look good though.

Could make out that he has bulked up.

Anyway, all in all life is good.

I am finally content.

Guess maturity finally found me.

Or is it because I'm now a father.

She is beautiful, My Alana.

When I left Essen I was a child.

Now I've returned with a child.

* * *

"Deniz you have a visitor upstairs. Please go right now they seem to be in a big hurry." Constanze told Deniz as he came out of the locker room after changing into his hockey gear.

He knew of no one other than his family who may want to see him. But who could it be that wanted him to hurry and had specifically sent a message saying so.

He ran up the stairs and rushed to the reception desk.

The receptionist mutely pointed him to the café.

"Dad what are you doing here? And why'd you bring **her** here?" Deniz demanded when he saw his father standing at the café area of the Center with Alana in tow. She was blissfully playing with her rattle but stopped when she saw her father approach.

"Because the retiling of No 7 has started. A place choked with P.O.P and cement dust is no place for a child." Marian explained

"Dad I'm practicing here. How am I supposed to keep an eye on her?" Deniz felt frazzled

"I'm not stupid Deniz I brought the portable playpen. Just put her in it along with her toys and she'll keep herself amused."

"Dad couldn't Heino have watched her." Deniz almost whiningly begin still a little unconfident about his fathering skills

"Heino has a date." Marian declared with a wide grin.

"What? With whom?"

"Who do you think?" Marian said cocking an eyebrow.

"Not Anna!" the younger said shaking his head in disbelief.

"I'm afraid so."

"But she's so old."

"Kiddo she's just a couple off years older than him."

They argued until Alana shook her rattle and brought them round to the actual topic of discussion.

"Impatient one isn't she?" Marian said chuckling.

"Okay I hope you got all her stuff." Deniz enquired.

"Yup! Diaper, wipes, a change of clothes, the thermos has her formula, toys ...I don't think I forgot anything"

"Well it seems to be all there," Deniz said as he stood back up after surveying the contents of the large bag kept beside Alana's stroller.

"So I'll see you at home at say 8ish." Marian told him.

"Ya! Bye Dad."

Deniz watched his father leave then crouched down in front of his daughter again. gently caressing her plump cheek he addressed her softly.

"So kiddo you wanna see where your Daddy works."

Alana gently patted his cheek with her tiny hand.

She blew a drool bubble and gave him a wide grin showing off her newly grown two tiny front teeth.

Hoping that her smile meant a positive answer he stood back up, picking up all of Alana's baby paraphernalia he pushed her stroller and headed towards the elevator to take it down to the rink.


	44. Chapter 44-ALITTLE DARLING TO BRIDGE

**Chapter 44 - A Little Darling to Bridge the Gorge.**

Roman looked down at the rink through his office window and watched the hockey practice that was underway.

He could see that his selection wasn't bad. And with Grossman at the helm the chances of anything going wrong was next to nil. He wished he could kick out that gasbag coach his father had hired on a 10 year contract. Even after dying that bloody bastard was still a pain in his ass. If his father hadn't been already dead Roman was sure he would have definitely strangled his father. Roman watched that blundering idiot Bernard who looked like a St. Bernard fall flat on his ass as he entered the rink. The man had the IQ of an orangutan and behaved like one to boot.

As he perused his line up of athletes mentally ticking off the strong points of each of them his eyes came to a halt on Deniz; who at that moment was making his way to the edge of the rink. His eyes stayed fixed on the brunette as Deniz exited the rink and was out of his line of sight as he crouched down to the floor. Then he stood up again and reentered the rink. Bernard yelled something in his direction. Axel got in Bernard's face making the portly man back off instantly.

At least his team put up a united front now. When he had taken over the day to day working of the center he couldn't believe the amount of back stabbing and locker room bitching that ran rampant through out the center.

In the last two years he had weeded out the trouble makers and sent them packing with a solid kick on their asses.

There was a sudden shimmer of something that broke into his thoughts. He wondered where it had come from.

There it was again ...a sparkle... from the other end of the stadium the source hidden from view by the waist high boards encircling the rink.

Roman made his way down to the stadium to quench his curiosity about the sparkle.

The source made him smile.

There in a playpen sat a tiny angelic cherub his head covered with a mass of raven black curls. A large satin bow pinned in it at a jaunty angle.

She had on the fluffiest and frilliest pink baby dress he had ever seen.

She was happily shaking a rattle that had most probably been the source of the sparkle as it was made of silver.

It had a long handle with a loop at one end and on other end was a large ball which was most probably filled with dried cereal due to which it made the noise. A very Turkish child's toy so he had no doubt what so ever who this little one belonged to.

He approached the portable playpen and knelt beside it. Alana sensing movement near her stopped shaking her rattle and looked up at him with a pair of the most enchanting inquisitive grass green eyes he had ever encountered.

The child had inherited her grandfather's eyes... or had she? Even Marian's eyes weren't that clear green.

"Who do you belong to little one?" he asked the child though he was fully aware of the answer as to who was the father of the child staring up at him with open curiosity.

He wondered if he touched her would she scream bloody murder or raise her arms indicating that she wanted to be picked up. Extending his arm he gently touched the bouncy curls.

She awarded him with a two teeth smile and then raised her tiny arms indicating that she wanted to be picked up.

He peeked over the boards and saw that Deniz and all the other players were involved in deep discussion.

Slowly standing up he bent down and picked up the little girl. She shook her rattle in glee in front of his face, "Yes, it's very nice and noisy isn't it?" he whispered to her.

She looked around at her perch and discovered the breast coat of his sports jacket.

She stared into his eyes and he felt the tiny fingers exploring his chest till they came to encounter his pocket. The mischievous cherub gave Roman another two teethed smile right before she stuffed the rattle in his pocket.

Her task accomplished she laughed and clapped in glee.

The kid definitely took after her father. That mischievous streak ran through her strong and deep.

Then she tapped the tip of his nose with her feather soft finger.

"That's my nose Schatz. Where is your nose?" he spoke to her completely aware that the tiny being he held didn't understand a word of what he was saying.

Instead, she grabbed his nose and pulled at it, a look of utter concentration on her face. Her fascination with his nose quenched she next patted his cheek and blew a drool bubble.

Roman looked around and located a napkin hanging on the side of the play pen. He gently wiped her face with it and put it over his shoulder.

She stared at him for a little longer then rubbed her eyes with her tiny fist and gave a very ladylike yawn indicating that she was definitely sleepy.

She snuggled into his towel covered shoulder as he gently rocked her and hummed a long forgotten lullaby that one of his favourite nannies used to sing to him when he had been a toddler.

Realizing that she had fallen asleep he carefully laid her in the playpen.

Roman took out the rattle from his pocket and removed the towel from his shoulder. He placed the former beside the sleeping child and the latter he hung back on the side of the playpen.

He looked at the rink again and was thankful that none of players ...actually one particular player hadn't seen him.

Deniz had been in deep discussion with Felix when Axel had tapped him on the shoulder and pointed at something.

Deniz had followed the direction of the indicating finger and encountered a vision that had made his heart squeeze in his chest. Alana was cradled in Roman's arms and she was shaking her rattle, showing it off. He watched as she stuffed the rattle in Roman's pocket then proceeded to be fascinated by his ex-boyfriend's nose. Roman whispered to her in response of which she patted his cheek.

He watched Roman bend down, most probably to place her back in her playpen. But No he just picked up the napkin Deniz had hung on the side of the playpen and tenderly wiped his daughter's face.

His eyes misted as he watched the fascinating sight of Roman slowly rocking Alana to sleep.

Finally, when Roman placed Alana back in the playpen Deniz quickly snapped out of his fascinated stupor.

He quickly merged back with the crowd of player when he realized that Roman was going to look his way.

**Chapter End Notes:**

_Do you like it?_

_I hope you do._

_Please Please Please leave a review._

_Alana's rattle_


	45. Chapter 45-ONE STEP FORWARD

**CHAPTER 45 - One Step Forward**

Cradling a sleeping Alana in his arms Deniz slowly walked out of the elevator dragging the pram, filled up with all her things including the playpen and his gear, behind him. It was going to be a long walk back to the apartment. As he walked by the pool area Alana woke up and whimpered. He felt his shirt soaking up and the cause of her sudden awakening became clear.

She squealed.

"Oh! So you've decided to wake up?" Deniz sing songed smiling at her.

He laid her on one of the poolside loungers and changed her.

Emptying the stroller of all it's contents he picked her up again and as he started to lower her towards the tiny vehicle he said

"Well now that you're awake I can finally put you back in the stroller."

His words had hardly left his lips when Alana grabbed onto his hair and screamed with all her might showing her utter displeasure at the thought of leaving her father's arms.

Deniz instantly stood up straight.

"Okay, Okay, no stroller. I'll carry you. Satisfied!"

Alana gurgled in pleasure planting a drooling kiss on his cheek.

"Suck Up" Deniz said and laughed at his little naughty angel who just cocked her head and smiled her two teeth smile at him.

Refilling the stroller he got up and headed towards the exit.

As he walked out into the open air, softly humming to Alana he could hear the chirp of the night crickets.

The nights in Essen always reminded him of that one special spring night when life for him had just begun when he had been so happy that he had felt that his heart was going to burst.

A happiness that had been short-lived but memories of which he would cherish for life eternal.

He glanced at the little girl he held in his arms. He had seen Roman holding her. He wondered if Roman had known she was Deniz's daughter when he had picked her up. The answer was a resounding *NO* Roman must have just been intrigued and enamored by this unknown child who was sitting in the middle of his establishment. And Alana was a very friendly and agreeable child who won over everyone within minutes of meeting.

Deniz slowly walked across the almost empty parking lot and headed towards the street he found himself near the entrance of the jogger's park. Nostalgia overwhelmed him and he felt the sudden need to recapture those lost moments.

Roman felt like a creepy stalker as he stood, hidden by the cafeteria foliage, watching Deniz and Alana. But he couldn't resist it. Deniz was definitely a wonderful father. Alana was truly lucky.

Roman grimaced as he thought of Diana. Deniz had been out and proud when they had met. Even after almost a year he still couldn't help but wonder what had it been that had caused the young man to bat for the other team.

A sudden sharp shriek let out by the tiny creature Deniz cradled broke into Roman's thoughts and he was instantly brought back to the present. He watched Deniz refill Alana's stroller with her things and then leave the Center carrying her in his arms. On their own accord Roman feet started moving and he discretely followed the father and daughter.

Roman halted his progress when he found himself outside the Center's entry way.

_*Wild! That is far enough control yourself they are headed home* his brain shouted at him halting his progress._

He was about to turn back around and head back inside When Deniz's sudden change of path intrigued him and piqued his curiosity. As he stood there watching Deniz entered the deserted jogger's park. The kid was as crazy as ever, that place was dangerous at night. How irresponsible did you have to be to enter that place not only at night but also when he had his kid with him. Concern for the both of them caused him to sprint across the parking lot and chase after Deniz.

Deniz sat down on 'their' bench and settling Alana in his lap he gently rocked her softly humming a lullaby.

Memories washed over him with the gentleness of the autumn breeze that was caressing his face.

That kiss.

That confession.

A few days later the apology, the tears and that beautiful gift that he still treasured.

He felt Alana's tiny body relax and was glad to see that she had fallen asleep. Though his heart still ached for his loss, as he sat looking at the tiny gift he held he realized that he wouldn't want to change any of it. If he hadn't broken Roman's heart that evening almost 5 yrs ago then he wouldn't have been cradling his daughter tonight.

Roman entered the park and started searching. A soft humming attracted his attention and he gravitated to it.

What a way to find out that his Deniz could sing.

He quietly stood and listened as Deniz sang a beautiful lullaby in his husky baritone. He slowly walked towards the bench; towards the father and daughter.

Deniz looked up at Roman as the older man came and sat down beside him, the light falling from the high street lamp making his blond hair glow giving him a soft halo.

"She's beautiful," Roman said in a whisper so as not to disturb the child's slumber.

"Thank You," Deniz whispered back a gentle smile gracing his face as he looked down at his sleeping daughter.

They sat in silence and just looked at the little girl each lost in their own thoughts.

After a few minutes Roman got up and said, "Come, I'll take you both home."

"You don't have to do that, it's just a short walk..."deniz started to say

"A short walk with a sleeping child, this place is no more safer than it was five years back when Fleischer came after me." Roman interrupted in a soft but firm voice.

"And pray tell me how are you going to manage to carry her, all her things and your gear as well." Roman queried

"Ummmm..." Deniz started to speak but then as his eyes fell on the stroller, and he accepted the impossibility of the situation.

"I thought as much," Roman said with the slightest of an amused smile.

"Come on I'll take you both home." he offered again. Getting up he took charge of the brimming pram and walked toward the gates of the jogger's park.

Deniz quietly followed the older man out to the parking lot.

As Roman deposited the folded up pram, Alana things and Deniz's gear in the back of his Passat. Deniz quietly asked, "what happened to the Jag."

"I out grew it," Roman answered.

He took Alana into his arms as Deniz climbed in and then deposited her on her father's lap.

The car's interiors were silent as they proceeded towards No. 7.

As they neared their destination Roman finally broke the lull and asked.

"What caused you to suddenly go straight?" he asked in a voice tinged with a hurt.

"I don't know. It just happened." Deniz lied his eyes never leaving the face of the sleeping infant.

His heart told him that he should just tell Roman the truth but his head cautioned him to wait a little longer before revealing the secret. If they had no future together then telling him the truth was unnecessary. His heart chided that Roman deserved his honesty.

As his internal battle raged they reached their destination.

He carefully got out of the car carrying his precious cargo and Roman quickly unloaded the things from the back seat.

"See ya," Roman said casually as he got back into his car and drove away before Deniz could get stop him or even get a word out of his lips.


	46. Chapter 46-IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION

**CHAPTER 46 : ... In The Right Direction.**

Deniz watched as the Passat drove off and then disappeared round the bend.

"Was that ...who I think it was?" Marian asked.

Still gazing down the now deserted street Deniz nodded.

"So he has extended his hand towards you?"

"I really don't know." Deniz whispered. Turning around he headed towards the apartment block next to the No.7 building.

Marian followed him after picking up all of Alana's things.

Once Alana had been settled in for the night. Deniz returned back to the living room to find his father still there sitting at the dining table patiently waiting for him.

"Did you ask him to drop you home?" Marian asked.

"No!" Deniz snapped.

"So he volunteered." Marian stated in a matter of fact tone.

Deniz nodded.

"That can be taken as a positive sign." his observed slowly.

"Dad, please! We are ancient history." the young hockey player said with forced conviction; he just did not want to get his hopes up.

"No, you're not. YOU still love him." Marian evenly stated.

"But he doesn't any longer." replied in an almost whisper

"Did he tell you that himself?"

"No... But it's obvious...I'm sure you've seen all the boy toys he's been photographed with."

"Pfft... they were all window dressing." Marian informed him.

"How do you know?" Deniz asked his curiousity piqued.

"Well... Though you and Roman broke up, Annette and I are still friend. She's been keeping me updated with the minutest detail of his life. Like the fact that he still talks of you regularly. That he was over the moon when you accepted the contract."

"Why are you telling me this now?"

"Because I want to see you happy and Annette wants the same for her brother. And we both know that you two are perfect for each other."

"Unfortunately... You are forgetting something extremely important."

"What?"

"Alana."

"What about her?"

"She is my number 1 priority now. And we are a joint package. Do you think Roman will accept her?"

"That I sincerely can't tell." His father said with a slight frown. Marian had actually never considered this new angle at all.

"Before me, I have to think of what will be best for her."

"I understand." The older man agreed nodding his head.

"I am going to be extremely careful and vigilant from now on."

**14th September 2010.**

Because of retiling work Dad couldn't keep A with him and left her at the rink with me.

I saw Roman holding her. They looked somehow **_right _**together. Just for a few moments I let myself imagine what it would be like if we truly became a family.

And surprises of surprises he was strolling in the jogging park when I went in there with A and he dropped us back home. I am sad to see that he has replaced the Jag with a Passat. But then we are both grown men now He is a business man and a Jag is too juvenile for someone of his stature. Even after so many years he still manages to scramble my brains and make me feel like a teenager. Deniz focus.


End file.
